Together
by booyahkendell
Summary: Rafael and Sonny's life, post-Elisa.
1. Chapter 1

"Oops!"

Sonny felt the rustle of linen sheet being tugged back over his toes, tucked underneath the space between where his heels were perched precariously on either side of Rafael's warm calf.

A gentle, tiny pat on the tip of his pinky toe came next.

"There you go, daddy's feet! All nice and warm!"

Little fingers clutched at the hem of his t-shirt, an elbow was being shoved into a spot that he was quite positive was in the general vicinity of his kidney, and – "Elisa, _what in the world are you doing_?"

"Shh, daddy!"

Her green eyes shown wide, illuminated by the barely-there glow of early morning sunlight as she threw an index finger over her lips, nuzzling even farther into Sonny's chest until her nose was pressed against his.

"Daddy's _sleeping_!"

He chuckled, threw a hand over his eyes and rubbed until the neon symbols swimming in his line of sight solidified into the lines and curves of tangible numbers.

 _5:30_.

" _Elisa_ ," he groaned. "Do I even want to know why you're out of bed this early?"

"It's my big day! Remember?"

Her head moved a fraction of an inch until her lips found the tip of Sonny's nose in a peck; a warmth that seemed to arrive only with the gentle affections of his husband and daughter settled easily behind Sonny's breastbone, and he sighed as Elisa fit her underneath the jut of his chin once more.

It always stood to overwhelm him, how perfectly Elisa's little body fit when she was tucked into him like this.

How, biological differences aside, her arms were just the right length to fully enclose his neck, her nose just tiny enough to fit between collarbone and shoulder on those evenings when she'd insist that she absolutely _was not tired, daddy_ , before sleep would find her eyes and she'd pass out in his lap.

How, all along, it seemed she'd been made perfectly just for them.

For Sonny and Rafael.

She was theirs in the same way that Rafael was his.

Sonny remembers feeling – _still feels_ – like Rafael was made for him, too.

Just like Elisa was made for them.

Just like Elisa was made for them to hold, and to love, to cherish, and to protect; just like Elisa was made for them, Rafael was made for Sonny.

Those green eyes that so often found Sonny's ready and reassuring gaze from the depths of the courtroom gallery, those large hands that Sonny was so adamant were crafted with the image of the space between his own two shoulder blades in mind, that heart which had pressed into Sonny's every night since their first night, whose steady rhythm Sonny could pick out among the aimless din of city life, taxi cab horns and all.

One beat, and Sonny would say, _'That one. That one's my Rafael's.'_

For as often as they'd been chest to chest, hearts thudding against bone, against flesh, against each other, _into_ each other; intertwined in more ways than one, more ways than Sonny thought possible, he would know.

Rafael had been made for him.

Rafael's green to Sonny's blue, Rafael's tanned skin to Sonny's pale, Rafael's pessimistic tendencies to Sonny's more idealistic ones.

They were a matching set.

And now, with a little body having shoved herself firmly in between them, separating them, whose soft, warm breath tickled the cotton sleeves of Sonny's college t-shirt, who made their Sunday's less about relaxation, and more about crisp, afternoon romps through Central Park, who introduced the name "daddy" into their personal lexicon of nicknames, right alongside "Sonny" and "Rafi".

They were no longer a matching set.

Now, they were a family.

"'Course I remember, bunny," he answered, the light tapping of Elisa's toes against his thigh a steady, memorized rhythm as she struggled not to fidget against the thin sheets.

It _was_ , after all, the sole reason why he'd still been bracketed by Rafael's strong forearms, nose still buried deep in a patch of tawny chest hair at the current hour, rather than up and already on his second mug of bitter coffee of the day.

He found Elisa's eyes, - vibrant in their coloring, gentle in their gaze, _so much like Rafael's_ – and said, "It's someone's first day of kindergarten."

"That's why I couldn't sleep!" she exclaimed, dark curls cascading downwards and leaving a curtain to mask the shine of her eyes, little tendrils brushing and tickling at Sonny's forehead. "I'm too excited to sleep!"

Sonny smiled, pressed his lips firmly to his daughter's forehead as she managed to somehow snuggle still deeper into his neck.

"You aren't nervous at all?" he asked.

Elisa's answer came hushed, muted, the drag of her nose back and forth across his throat an unspoken 'no'.

Apparently unsatisfied with her own response, however, she quickly added an exclamation of, "Nope!", the 'p' popping against Sonny's skin with every movement of his daughter's lips.

"Why?" She pulled back, her eyes finding his even in the dim, amber glow crisscrossing its way throughout the bed. "Are you nervous, daddy?"

"Yeah, I am, a little a bit."

"But why?"

Elisa's quizzical expression looked so absolutely Barba-like in that moment that Sonny felt as though he were getting a very real glimpse at what a five-year-old Rafael would've looked like, if confused and in search of the answer to the cause of his absolute puzzlement.

Sonny wished that Rafael were awake, turned around, cheek to cheek with Elisa so that he could compare: furrowed brow, narrowed eyes, mouth turned downwards at the corners.

They would line up perfectly; Sonny was sure of it.

"Well," he began, tangling his long fingers into the fluff of Elisa's hair, pushing and tucking it back behind the slope of an ear, silently willing it to remain in its place so that he could meet his daughter's watchful gaze.

"I'm just worried because I want you to have a good day, bunny. I want you to have the _best_ day, actually. And I want you to love your teacher, and I want you to make lots of new friends."

He sighed, catching Elisa's cheek with thumb and fingers; it's shape and warmth captured the entirety of his palm, Elisa's pink skin filling up his hand just as she, herself, had filled up what had been left of his heart.

What had been left, after Rafael.

After Rafael had let Sonny in, had let Sonny stay; after Rafael had held Sonny's heart, after Rafael had held Sonny, too, had kissed Sonny's cheek and told him that it was okay, that what they felt for each other was beautiful and _so good_ , not wrong like Sonny's faith and scriptures had echoed until concrete, as much a tangible part of him as the thick accent that so often mangled his words.

Rafael had taken up so much room.

But then, Elisa had wiggled her way in.

Elisa had wiggled her way into Sonny's heart, their life, their bed.

Rafael and Elisa.

His whole world.

"You're my little girl, bunny. I'm always gonna worry about you."

"Well, you're silly."

She jabbed a finger forward, made contact with Sonny's chest, with his heart: "You don't have to worry about me because I'm always right here. In your heart."

Sonny found Elisa's finger before she'd even finished speaking.

He brought her hand to his lips, gave kisses as small as her fingers to the knobby knuckles rising and falling along the way.

"Yeah, bunny, you're right. You're always right there. You and daddy both."

"Are you always in my heart, too, bunny?"

And there was that welcome warmth again.

The sight of Rafael, eyes heavy-lidded, broad shoulders reaching around to envelop their daughter in his safe hold, and Sonny felt summer all the way down to his toes.

Sonny wanted to kiss him.

So Sonny leaned over, across the pillows, and pressed his lips to Rafael's.

Sonny pressed his lips to Rafael's, and breathed, swallowed Rafael's chuckle and following, "Good morning, love,", until a little hand came up and pushed his cheek away.

"It's my turn for kisses, daddy! Move!"

The kiss that Elisa presented Rafael with was just the same as the one that she'd first given Sonny, after her initial climb into the bed and between the comforter and sheets: a light, momentary peck to the very tip of his husband's nose that spoke of innocent affection in abundance.

"Of course I'm always in your heart! You and daddy share me!"

"Sounds like a perfect compromise to me," Rafael stated, his hand absently weaving its way into the knotted tendrils of Sonny's hair, locking and tugging – just enough – his best attempt at somehow bringing Sonny closer to the shelter of his body while Elisa was squirming against him.

And Sonny watched, watched as his husband kissed their daughter's forehead, firm and strong and sweet, his murmurs of, "I love you, bunny" her anchor to her world just as much as they were to Sonny's.

Watched as his daughter nuzzled her daddy's neck and proclaimed, "I love you, too! Now when do I get to get dressed for school?"

The laughter that erupted from Rafael's chest tore its way into Sonny's own and settled.

A perfect compromise indeed.

* * *

Before Rafael had even inched a toe through the doorway of his daughter's bedroom, Elisa was ambling quickly away from his side, her sights set solely on the brass handles of the closet lying just across the room from her bed and easel.

"Okay, daddy! I want you to pick out my outfit for school today!"

A twist of a handle followed, and Elisa's closet doors were flung open to reveal a carefully-coordinated cornucopia of color-organized clothing, each item hanging from the metal rod that Sonny had installed the afternoon following Elisa's first birthday, after it was deemed that Rafael had purchased _far_ too many items of clothing to any longer fit in the singular dresser which they'd relied on up to that point.

And as for the organization by color?

That had been Elisa's suggestion, of course.

Because, "I want my closet to match your side of you and daddy's!", as she'd proclaimed to Rafael, just three days shy of her fourth birthday.

They'd spent the entirety of a lazy, Sunday afternoon on the project: Rafael, on Elisa's carpeted bedroom floor, Elisa, standing on tip-toe and pulling an array of sweaters, dresses, and matching cardigans from the deepest depths of her closet, dutifully handing each to Rafael as they moved from the darker shades to the light.

And they'd spent every consecutive Sunday since – laundry day, as it was known in the Barba-Carisi household – carefully inserting Elisa's clothing from the previous week's wear back into their rightful positions between plum and lilac hues.

"You want _me_ to pick out your outfit for your very first day of kindergarten? I must be special," Rafael observed, letting his fingers trail featherlight along the length of a cream-colored cashmere sweater.

"Of course I do! You pick out my outfits for all my big days, remember? Like auntie Amanda's wedding…".

"Your christening, all your Easter's…", Rafael finished. He turned, watched as Elisa plopped onto her bed and became enveloped by the folds of bunched-up comforter, little feet thrown into the air as she reached and found her velveteen bunny within the mass of purple blankets.

"Is there a certain color you'd prefer?" he asked; he did require, at the very least, that minute detail to go off of in his search.

Elisa tossed her bunny in the air, catching it in between outstretched fingers, a swift peck on its nose following close behind: "Well, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue."

 _Obviously_.

"Oh, yeah, duh! Like daddy's eyes!"

She knew him far too well.

"I want to wear something blue then," she stated firmly, rolling onto her stomach to better find Rafael's own eyes.

Before he could answer, Elisa was turning and twisting once again, wriggling until her back fell flat against the mattress.

He chuckled, flicked a finger past a yellow sundress he'd purchased for his daughter at the peak of the last New York City summer; Elisa possessed the inability to sit still for more than .02 seconds at a time, a trait that appeared to only be amplified by the impending first day of school.

Rafael had no doubt from whom she'd acquired that particular mannerism.

Someone tall and ridiculously lanky, with a pair of sweet dimples and an even sweeter face.

Someone whom Rafael was eternally falling over his feet for every day, as well, but.

That was entirely beside the point.

Finally, his hand found purchase on pale blue fabric, an ivory-lined sleeve poking out and making itself known from in between darker shades of navy and the beginnings of deep plum. He pulled the dress out with a flourish, revealing it to Elisa's eyes, it's matching white collar exposed from behind the cardigan it's form had been hidden by.

Elisa gasped: "It's perfect!" Her bunny was discarded, tossed aside as she plunged forward from her bed and grabbed at the dress's sleeve. "Thank you, daddy! I love you!"

She smiled warmly, tilting her chin to meet his matching green-eyed gaze.

His daughter.

Those eyes, their shade and sparkle a carbon copy of his.

But that smile, too.

That smile was a copy of Sonny's.

Innocence, and love, and sweetness, and happiness, and everything good in the world, all wrapped up in a set of cheeks and a smile.

She was Sonny's in some ways, and his in others.

But put together, she was theirs.

Their daughter.

He bent down until his lips met her hair, an "I love you, too, Elisa" spoken into wild and tangled curls.

"I know! Now, if I wear my white knee socks, will that match?" Elisa asked impatiently, already striding towards the oak dresser sat across from her bed, yanking on the painted white handles of the second drawer.

"Yes, it will," Rafael answered readily. "Do you know what shoes you want to wear as well?"

"Yes!" Elisa was practically bouncing as she retrieved a bundled-up white ball from the inside of her dresser drawer and tossed it on the carpet beside her; the knee socks in question, it seemed. "I wanna wear my brown sandals that look like little bunnies! Will those match, too?"

"Yes, those will match, too," Rafael chuckled. "But, you do know you have one more thing to pick out, right?"

Elisa furrowed her brows, little nose crinkled in the same way that it did whenever she was perched at the kitchen table, trays of paint and a stack of construction paper set before her as she created pictures which always, without fail, ended up tacked to the living room wall.

He bent down to her level, taking care not to place a knee on the still-discarded socks.

"My tie," Rafael supplied. "I have to wear a tie picked out by my daughter on such a big day."

"But I normally only pick out your ties for _your_ big days. Like when you took daddy on that big date 'cause you were married for five years, and you told me I had to keep it a secret! And I didn't even tell daddy once, do you remember that!?"

"Yes, you were a very good secret keeper, bunny," he laughed, pressing a warm kiss to Elisa's cheekbone. "And your first day of kindergarten is a very big day for me as well. Do you know how many people I'm going to be showing your first day of school pictures off to later?"

She dipped her head, grabbed Rafael's long index finger in a singular hand. "How many?" she asked shyly.

" _So many_ ," he grabbed her face, tiny, pink cheeks framed by larger, tan palms. "Auntie Liv, auntie Amanda – ".

"You'll show them to auntie Elana, too, right!?" Elisa exclaimed.

"Of course."

Rafael's ass would be handed to him twice over if he weren't to immediately text pictures of her goddaughter, backpack, lunch box, and all, to the honorable and proud, judge Elana Barth.

He pressed one more kiss, this time to Elisa's forehead, before standing upright and moving towards her bedroom door.

"Go ahead and get dressed and then you can come to daddy and I's room to help me. Okay?"

Elisa nodded giddily, already plopping herself down to the floor and peeling off the pair of mint green socks she'd worn to bed the night before.

"Okay, daddy! I love you!"

That smile; it was all Sonny.

So happy and sweet.

"I love you, too."

Rafael turned and shut Elisa's bedroom door with a light ' _click'_.

* * *

Warm hands found Sonny's belly, then sides, a chuckle sipped into the helpings of cream and sugar necessary for him to stomach his morning coffee as lips softly met the cool skin just behind his ear.

He set the ceramic mug down on the countertop, side-by-side to the one already full and waiting for Rafael's empty hands.

It'd been their shared morning routine for the better portion of the last five years: Rafael aided Elisa in the task of getting dressed, Sonny made coffee.

Rafael showered; Sonny made pancakes, or toasted bagels on particularly hurried mornings, insuring that Elisa was well and fed before the arrival of her nanny signaled Rafael and Sonny's own impending goodbyes.

Sonny turned, away from their fancy coffee maker and the discarded packets of Splenda, and let his fingers find purchase on Rafael's cheeks.

He pulled, just enough, until their chests and lips met and Rafael's arms had wound themselves back around his waist, and Sonny felt warm.

Warm in his husband's hold, warm as Rafael trailed kisses from the upturned corner of his mouth to along the slope of his cheek, warm as the long fingers on his back spread, covering him, holding him tight.

"Mmm," Sonny hummed, rubbing their noses together until Rafael gave pause in his path, allowing their foreheads to rest against one another in a display of momentary stillness. "Did you help Elisa pick out her outfit?"

"No, I was actually given free reign to pick out the outfit all on my own. It was quite the honor, I might add."

"Oh, is that so? You must be pretty special," Sonny whispered.

Rafael cocked his head to the side, a gesture Sonny normally only witnessed from the back, from his weekly perch in the courtroom gallery as Rafael twisted whatever seemingly innocuous detail that a defendant had let slip into something that he could use in his and the SVU's favor.

It was so familiar, so _cute_ of a little quirk, that Sonny immediately found himself nuzzling his nose into the spot where Rafael's strong shoulder met his neck as he answered through a press of lips to Sonny's temple.

"Well, she's picking out my tie for the day, so who's really the special one here?"

He smiled against Rafael's skin: "You're such a good dad, you know that?"

"I try to be," Rafael answered, fingers tightening against the fabric of the button-up that Sonny had hastily thrown on before completing the task of preparing their morning coffee.

"Yeah, well you are," Sonny shot back. "No 'try' about it."

He needed to be looking at Rafael for this; he dislodged himself from Rafael's collarbone, searched until their eyes were locked and Sonny was close enough to see the dusting of freckles scattered along Rafael's nose.

"You're a good dad – no, a _great_ dad, and a great husband, and – ".

"Daddy, I picked out your tie!"

They turned, and there she was: pale blue dress, white socks pulled up to right below a pair of bony knees, brown flats (thankfully on the correct feet), and one of Rafael's ties clutched in an outstretched hand.

She bounded towards them, ran face-first into Sonny's leg and threw an arm around a slacks-covered thigh, the other still proudly presenting the striped tie in between her fingers.

"See! It had dark blue stripes like daddy's pants and little blue stripes like my dress."

Rafael reached down, pulled the tie from Elisa's firm grip and brought it to his eyes, the light from the ceiling fixture bouncing off of the shiny, silk fabric.

"Hmm," he twisted the tie back and forth, eyes glinting even through slits as he continued his inspection of the tie at its opposite end, gaze ultimately falling on and following Elisa's as Sonny gathered her up and slung her across a bony hip, careful not to wrinkle the fabric of her dress.

"It's perfect, bunny," he said softly, smiling.

God, Sonny loved him.

Sonny loved him when he looked at their daughter like that, loved hearing his booming laughter and her giggles fill up the space in their quiet kitchen, in their quiet _home_.

Sonny never thought he'd have this.

Love.

A husband.

A child.

A home.

Rafael had given Sonny everything.

Everything and more.

Sonny had love, and a beautiful man, a beautiful daughter, a beautiful life, and a beautiful _home_.

And it was all because of him, the man in a pair of sweatpants and one of Sonny's oldest, most faded Academy t-shirts, kissing tenderly at their daughter's pink cheek, a hand still firmly attached to the small of Sonny's back.

"Alright, well now that you've got a tie picked out, can you go get ready, Rafi? We're gonna be late," Sonny whined, gently nudging Rafael towards the kitchen doorway and back into the hallway, in the general direction of their bedroom.

He then turned his attention to Elisa, who smiled cheekily as he ran slender fingers through her dark curls: "And I want _you_ to go get your brush so that we can do something with this hair, okay?"

"Okey dokey!" She squirmed out of his grasp until her feet hit the tile once more, immediately setting off and skipping towards the bathroom.

* * *

"Elisa, can you at least _pretend_ like you know how to eat properly? You know, like with a fork?"

Sonny grabbed another loose strand of hair that had managed to allude his grasp, tucking it into one of the three sections he had already separated as he crossed over and under, the braid that Elisa had requested becoming longer as he began to reach the ends of her tangled hair.

"We're at home, daddy," she answered through a smack of lips, shoving another bit of sticky pancake into her mouth by hand rather than with the silverware Sonny had originally handed her with the accompanying stack of pancakes. "I can eat with my fingers when we're at home."

Leaning forward, Sonny followed her movements as she dipped her head to catch a stream of syrup on her tongue before it dripped onto the pale blue front of her dress; a hand came up to brush back hair, Sonny immediately swatting it away.

"Hey! Fingers on the pancakes, young lady. Do you want to go to school with sticky hair?"

"Sticky hair? Why would someone have sticky hair?" a booming voice inquired somewhere over Sonny's shoulder, a warm brush of lips against his cheek following close behind.

Sonny sighed, turned his head just slightly to watch Rafael as he strode to the counter and retrieved his coffee, undoubtedly now lukewarm as Sonny had prepared it for him almost twenty minutes prior.

He was wearing a jet black, three-piece suit – one of Sonny's favorites, for the way that the rich, dark material gave his skin the appearance of being an even warmer, darker shade of brown.

Elisa's hand-picked tie, tucked into Rafael's vest, brought the look together seamlessly.

He brought his mug to the kitchen table, a coffee-laced kiss pressed to Sonny's mouth.

"You look good," Sonny whispered, pecking softly at Rafael's lips as his hands paused their motion in Elisa's hair.

He couldn't touch; not like he wanted to. He couldn't bring a hand to Rafael's jaw, couldn't bury his fingers into the short hairs at the nape of Rafael's neck, couldn't press closer.

Not without risking potentially messing up Elisa's braid, the braid that Elisa had requested, specifically of Sonny because, "You do my hair the best, daddy!"

Not when he had to make certain that their daughter's hair was perfect for her first day of school.

Kisses alone would have to suffice for now.

"Yeah, you do look good, daddy! Your suit is perfect with my tie!" Elisa proclaimed, still face forward, leaning yet again to intercept the syrup dripping from the pancake she was attempting to shove into her mouth.

Sonny adjusted his positioning accordingly, almost folding himself in half in order to better hold on to the ends of Elisa's hair, effectively detaching himself from Rafael.

"Now, what's this I hear about sticky hair?" Rafael asked, placing a firm kiss to the top of Elisa's head. He took his seat across from her at the polished table top, mug of coffee attached to his lips as he swiped a slice of pancake from Elisa's plate.

"Your daughter is refusing to eat her breakfast with her silverware."

"I thought that you said eating without silverware was okay as long as we were at home, love?" Rafael quirked an eyebrow, Elisa giggling; she knew that she'd won.

"See! My statement has been corrobortated!"

"You mean corroborated, bunny?" Rafael supplied, barely holding back a laugh as his green eyes flicked back up to Sonny's.

He was enjoying this, clearly.

Sonny hoped that he was shooting Rafael his best, ' _You-know-you're-supposed-to-be-on-my-side-sometimes-Rafi_ ' face.

"Yeah, that!" Elisa popped her final sliver of pancake into her mouth with a smack. "Told ya so, daddy!"

"Fine, fine, you guys win! Jeez, two against one is a little unfair, don't you think?" Sonny shook his head, playfully, finally finishing off the remainder of Elisa's braid with the hair tie that she'd brought him from the bathroom.

Moving towards the sink, he grabbed the burgundy wash cloth he'd used to wipe stray flour from the marble countertop during his earlier pancake-making process. Sonny stuck it under the tap, making sure to rid it of flour before walking back to Elisa, her hands already out and offered for him to clean.

"I was just worried," Sonny started, grabbing a bony wrist and running the cloth gently over Elisa's syrup-sticky fingers. "About you getting your dress all dirty. That's all."

He took both of her hands, – now syrup-free – their size and coloring in stark contrast to his. He kissed at Elisa's knuckles, pulling back just enough to say, "Now go get your backpack, alright? We gotta leave soon if someone's gonna be on time for her first day."

Elisa nodded, braid bouncing as she took off towards her bedroom.

When Sonny turned, Rafael was standing, mug discarded, pulling him close by narrow hips.

"You're a good dad, too," he whispered, eyes soft, hands so large and warm on Sonny's waist.

Sonny had long ago come to associate those two things with love: Rafael's eyes, and his strong, strong hands.

Every time Sonny felt those hands on him, holding him, fingers spread on his belly, on his thighs, on his face, it was love.

Every time that Rafael looked at him like that, green eyes so soft and open and vulnerable – vulnerable for no one else but Sonny – it was love.

"I'm so nervous for her, Rafi," Sonny confessed; Rafael's thumbs were restless, tracing the curve of Sonny's hip bones through the fabric of his slacks. "What if she doesn't like it? Or what if her teacher is horrible, or she doesn't make any new friends, and she ends up having to eat all by herself at lunch? What if – ".

"Sonny," Rafael's hands flew from their perch on his hip bones, encircling Sonny's wrists, tugging them down and intertwining their fingers in an attempt to calm the nervous movements of his hands.

"You know that that's not what's going to happen. She's going to do great. Phenomenal, even. She's smart, and friendly, and outgoing, and everything good wrapped up into one wonderful little girl. She could break even the grumpiest of kindergarten teachers."

Rafael's lips were on his knuckles next, ghosting across their rigid path until he found Sonny's wedding band and lingered.

"She's growing up, Rafi."

"She's five." Sonny hadn't thought it possible for someone to appear so thoroughly condescending with their lips attached to their husband's wedding ring.

But, well.

Rafael Barba-Carisi was an anomaly.

"You know what they say, Rafi," and Sonny was laughing, cheeks pulled up, leaning forward and pressing his lips to Rafael's, feeling Rafael's smile underneath his, pressed into his as he pecked, once, twice, three times. "Kindergarten today, college graduation tomorrow."

"Okay, I'm all ready for my big day!"

Elisa shoved herself between them, darting from around their legs and into the open expanse of the living room – too-big, leather, pastel pink and purple kitty cat backpack bouncing at her knees.

"Daddy's gonna take a few pictures of you in your first day of school outfit while I grab your lunch, alright, bunny?" Sonny asked, already inching towards the section of the counter where Elisa's matching, pink and purple polka-dotted lunchbox lay.

The shuffling of feet against tile followed Sonny's declaration as Rafael positioned Elisa accordingly, his order of, "Smile big, bunny!" audible from Sonny's post in the kitchen.

He placed a hand on the stack of cookbooks behind Elisa's lunchbox, organized by type of cuisine, as was Sonny's preference. Once he'd reached the Spanish section – comprised of one cookbook and one cookbook only – he tugged, the volume of authentic, hand-copied, Barba family recipes falling in to his hands.

Flicking past the cover, stained with a variety of ingredients from Sonny's many forays into mastering Rafael's favorite childhood dishes, his eyes fell onto the note, folded and tucked near the book's spine, which he and Rafael had written for Elisa the night before.

It was a little wrinkled, the purple construction paper – snuck from the stack which Elisa kept on the corner of the coffee table at all times for, "emergencies, daddy" – having folded in on itself underneath the weight of the book's cover.

The words themselves remained safe, however.

Sonny nestled the note in the space between Elisa's turkey and cheese sandwich and a Ziploc bag full of animal crackers, making sure to keep a corner peeking out so that the splash of color would be the first thing that Elisa noticed when she unzipped her lunchbox that afternoon.

As Elisa's cry of, "Can I do one with a silly face now, _please_?" made its way into the kitchen, Sonny smiled to himself; _she's gonna do great_.

He zipped up Elisa's lunchbox – sandwich, crackers, grapes, bottle of water, and note all in a row – and made his way into the living room.

 _Have a great day, bunny!_

 _We love you,_

 _Daddy + daddy_

* * *

"Daddy, you're squeezing my fingers too tight."

Sonny relaxed his hold on Elisa's hand, throwing an apologetic grin down at her as they moved farther along the crowded and raucous hallway of the lower level of P.S. 290.

He and Rafael had both grabbed a hand the second that Elisa's car seat was unbuckled, before her Mary Jane's had even had the chance to hit the pavement in the front of the elementary school.

And Sonny's grip had only grown tighter as they'd entered through the metal double doors and began their trek towards the section of the hallway in which the kindergarten classrooms were clustered, so much so that Elisa released his hand momentarily, shaking out her fingers which had apparently gone numb.

"Sorry, bunny. I'm just – ".

"I know you're nervous, daddy. It's okay."

Rafael smirked as Sonny threw a blue-eyed glare his way.

"What? I didn't tell her."

"Daddy didn't tell me, I promise. I can just tell," Elisa observed. "You're quiet when you're nervous."

"And I'm loud when I'm not?" he teased, Elisa grinning cheekily up at him as her braid bounced behind her.

"It looks like we're here!" Rafael stopped, Sonny and Elisa freezing to his left as swarms of other soon-to-be kindergarteners entered the classroom of which their family's sights were currently set upon. "Room number seven, yes?"

"Yep, that's the one!" Elisa was bouncing, swinging Sonny and Rafael's arms with ever little up and down movement of her legs. "Can I go in?!"

Rafael tugged Elisa to the opposite side of the door, out of the way of the oncoming traffic of children and tearful parents, taking a knee as Sonny followed his example.

If anything were a testament to Rafael's devotion to their daughter, it was the knees of those dark suit pants, currently laid against the scuffed and dirty tile flooring of a public elementary school.

Those suit pants which were only there so that Rafael could say a few more words to their daughter before the official start of her "big day".

The only other time that Sonny had seen Rafael on a knee like that, dirt and grime against five-hundred-dollar fabric, was when he's proposed.

"Okay, bunny. What do I always say?" Rafael asked, smoothing down the ivory collar of Elisa's dress. He took Elisa's left hand, Sonny reaching for the opposite, a nervous thumb coming up and enveloping the top of Elisa's hand, stroking, soothing – for his comfort more than hers, he knew.

"First impressions are the most important!" Elisa replied, short, succinctly, head and braid bobbing in unison.

"That's right," Rafael pushed her hair back, a few stray strands of brunette curls having freed themselves from her braid. "So go right in, find your teacher, and introduce yourself. Okay?"

No reply was to be had, however; instead, Elisa darted through the door to room seven, just short of smacking into another braid-clad little girl moving in the same direction.

Sonny was about to apologize to the little girl's mother, explain that Elisa was just excited, maybe overly so, that Elisa hadn't really _meant_ to bulldoze over her daughter, when a large hand took his.

Warm.

Calm.

 _She's gonna do great._

"Come on, love," Rafael whispered. "Let's go see our little girl off, shall we?"

Nodding, the pull of Rafael's hand led Sonny inside, the cacophony of cries, and giggles, and pleas of, "Please don't leave yet, mommy, please!", and the sight of Elisa planting an Eskimo kiss on a woman whom Sonny could only venture was her teacher their shared introduction to the classroom.

"You're the one that taught that to her, you know," Rafael pointed out – rather unhelpfully – as they sped walked, still hand-in-hand towards Elisa's display.

"Yeah? And you're the one who told her to go introduce herself."

Just as they reached the opposite end of the classroom, Elisa was straightening herself out, grinning brightly at the sandy-haired woman in front of her: "My name is Elisa Rosalie Barba-Carisi, and I'm five years old, and – Oh! Look, it's my daddies!"

Sonny briefly wondered where on earth Elisa got the energy to tackle him and Rafael every time she saw them.

The thought was soon replaced with adoration, however, as Elisa grabbed ahold of his and Rafael's pant legs, staring up at them with her wide and impossibly green eyes.

"This is my teacher, Miss Cox!" Elisa exclaimed, her gaze only venturing away from them when she threw an index finger in the direction of the petite, freckled woman to her left. "Miss Cox, these are my daddies!"

The woman – Miss Cox – stepped forward and offered a hand to Sonny, straightening out her navy pencil skirt with the other. "Hi, my name is Melissa Cox! And, if you hadn't already guessed, I'll be Elisa's teacher for the school year!"

Sonny nodded at the greeting, taking her hand in his own and giving a firm shake. "I'm Dominick, but you can call me Sonny. And this is my husband, Rafael."

She seemed bright, bubbly, energetic, with a smile as wide across as Staten Island itself – all of the qualifiers that Sonny had thought of when building the perfect kindergarten teacher in his head.

And Elisa seemed smitten with her, as well; her eyes were lit up as she observed their exchange, her stare focused and intent on the young teacher as she moved towards Sonny and Rafael.

Once Rafael had provided her with a greeting of his own, Miss Cox turned her attention back to Elisa: "Hey, Elisa, why don't you go over and find your table buddy while I talk to your dads for just a second? You see that little girl over there, the one with the reddish hair and the glasses?"

Elisa followed the line of Miss Cox's slender index finger to where it hit upon a girl in a bright purple dress, positioned at one of the room's center tables; Sonny turned and put his lips to Rafael's ear.

"She's wearing purple, Rafi. They're gonna be best friends."

Rafael squeezed Sonny's hand in answer.

"That's Jane. She's your table buddy for this year, which means you sit right next to her. So if you go over and say hi to her, you'll be able to see where your name tag is. Got it?"

"Got it, Miss Cox! Thank you!" And Elisa threw her skinny arms around her teacher's neck, squeezing momentarily before pulling back and making a run for her unsuspecting table buddy.

Straightening out, Miss Cox adjusted the shoulders of her blazer, Elisa-disheveled and rumpled.

"Sorry about the nose thing," Sonny offered as her chestnut-colored eyes settled on him and Rafael. "It's something we, uh. We do a lot at home, so."

One of Miss Cox's slender hands came up in a dismissive gesture. "Please. It was sweet. She's very affectionate. And trust me, after five years of teaching I've learned that there's a lot worse things that kids can be."

She shuffled towards the side, peeking around Sonny and Rafael's forms in an apparent attempt to check for the arrival of new parents before advancing on in their conversation; when it was decided that there was none to be had, she continued.

"Tell me, what do you two do for a living?"

Perhaps Rafael had sensed that Sonny was nervously glancing over at Elisa every few seconds, watching as she greeted her table mates, watching as she slung her kitty cat backpack over her miniature, plastic chair; maybe his silence had indicated to Rafael that he was distracted.

Whatever the reason, Rafael had read Sonny front and back, handling the question asked of them by Miss Cox.

"Well, I'm actually the executive assistant district attorney of Manhattan, and Sonny is a Manhattan SVU detective."

Miss Cox _actually whistled_.

" _Wow_. Power couple."

Now that got Sonny's attention.

Chuckling, Rafael shrugged, though the glint in his eyes was almost as smug as Sonny had ever seen it – the only event outweighing Miss Cox's observation being the evening in which a stranger had approached him, Rafael, and Elisa while on their walk home from the local ice cream shop, stopping to point out how, "beautiful of a family you three make".

"Oh, and is there anything you'd like me to know about Elisa before you leave? I ask the parents of my students to provide me with one or two parting fun facts about their child just so that I can get a slight idea of who they are."

"She loves art! A lot. Like, _a lot a lot_ ," Sonny interjected, because if there was anything someone should know about their daughter, it was this. "She's always drawing, or painting, or doing some sort of new craft when we're at home. Me and Rafael even had to buy her an easel last Christmas because she was always painting on the coffee table and would get watercolors all over the wood."

"She's also bilingual," Rafael added, the little prideful puff of his chest not gone unnoticed to Sonny's eyes. "She's fluent in Spanish as well as English."

It was one of Sonny's favorite pastimes, in fact; sitting, listening to his husband and daughter chatter away in Spanish on the nights that they had their musical marathons together, Elisa cuddled up to Rafael's broad chest, her nose always tucked away into tan shoulder and neck, her favorite spot the very same as Sonny's.

Ninety-eight percent of the time, Sonny had no friggin' idea what the subjects of their little back-and-forths were, but he didn't care; Sonny loved that Rafael and Elisa had that connection, that shared link of their Hispanic heritage.

Somehow, in Sonny's eyes, that little connection made it even more glaringly apparent that Elisa was meant to be theirs.

"Wow, that's really wonderful! I've actually been wanting to implement some foreign language curriculum into my own lessons. I've read in a few teaching journals how beneficial learning another language can be to the developing mind."

Just as Rafael was about to chime in with his concurrence – because he'd read those very same articles, Sonny knew – Miss Cox glanced down at the leather watch strapped to her wrist.

"Shoot! I hate to cut this conversation short, but the bell rings in about five minutes. I would go ahead and say your last goodbyes if I were you."

She stepped away from them then, providing a similar warning to the various other sets of parents still filtering throughout the classroom, talking amongst themselves or reading over the rule charts tacked to the pale yellow walls.

"I don't wanna say goodbye yet," Sonny grumbled, feet dragging as though submerged in mud as Rafael led him to the table where Elisa was still perched, happily sorting through the box of communal art supplies placed in the center of the desk.

Crayons in hand, she exclaimed, "Look at all of these colors, daddy!" She gestured to the row of crayons, already Elisa-organized in color wheel order on the tabletop. "There's magenta, and violet, and sunflower, which is my favorite so far! And look, I have my very own name tag, too!"

Sonny and Rafael gathered on either side of her shoulders, peering down at the multi-colored and animal-printed name tag which bore both Elisa's name and their own.

"E-L-I-S-A. Elisa," she declared proudly, rewarded with simultaneous kisses to opposing sides of the temple.

It was surreal, seeing it laid out like that.

Elisa Barba-Carisi.

It was almost as surreal as seeing her name, Elisa's name, printed directly next to theirs, attached, on the official birth certificate they'd received by mail shortly after the completion of Elisa's adoption.

It was another stage of Elisa's life, another stage of theirs, another stage of Sonny and Rafael's, and she was still theirs.

Elisa Barba-Carisi.

Theirs.

Sonny gripped Elisa's shoulders and positioned her until his arms were fully enclosing the entirety of her little body, his nose pressed into her hair, the fruity scent of de-tangler still lingering from their hair-braiding adventures over pancakes just an hour prior.

"I love you so much, bunny," he whispered. "So much. You're gonna do so great today, and me and daddy are never gonna stop thinking of you once, not until we get home tonight and can talk to you all about your big day."

He felt her arms tightening around him, fingers dug into shoulder blades as she answered, "I love you, too, daddy. And just remember that I'll be in your heart all day."

Sonny would not cry.

 _He would not cry_.

Especially not now, not when Elisa was letting go of him and taking ahold of Rafael.

Not when Rafael was whispering, "Te quiero, mi hermosa conejita."

 _I love you, my beautiful bunny_.

Sonny would not cry.

He gave Elisa one parting, lasting kiss on the forehead before standing, Elisa settling back in her plastic chair, smoothing her dress down as she went.

Rafael tugged on Sonny's hand before Sonny could stop himself, try to stay.

The nearer they got to the heavy, metal door, the more that Sonny wanted to turn back around, wanted to fix Elisa's hair one last time, wanted to hold her close, hold her safe in his arms; tell her that he and daddy both loved her, so much, and that she was smart, and wonderful, and would make so many new friends.

He chanced a peek just in time to catch the press of Elisa's palm to her lips, an ensuing arc and throw of hand following as she blew Sonny a kiss.

 _She's gonna do great_.

As the door clicked shut behind them, Rafael pulled Sonny into his arms.

Crushed him, rather.

Kissed the top of his head.

Murmured, "You were right. She is growing up."

His voice was hoarse.

He was affected by this, too.

Sonny stifled his laughter into Rafael's tie, – _Elisa's hand-picked tie_ – his nose rubbing against the soft shades of blue.

"Yeah, well. C'mon, Rafi. We have some first day of school pictures to show off."

Sonny kissed his cheek, nuzzled Rafael with his nose.

"She's gonna do great."


	2. Chapter 2

"Elisa, it's time to do homework!"

Rafael flicked an index finger out from underneath the converging pool of warm water and suds his hands were currently submerged in, liberally soaking Sonny's shirt sleeve with a dose of dirty water.

They were washing dishes, side by side, Rafael's left shoulder pressed to Sonny's right as he scrubbed at the ceramic surface of a plate, ridding it of the remnants of Sonny's homemade lasagna dinner before passing it off to his husband to dry.

Sonny swatted Rafael's forearm with the maroon dishcloth gripped between his fingers, pressing his nose firmly to Rafael's temple as he did so: "Hey, what was that for? Are you trying to get me naked? 'Cause it's not gonna work. We have some spelling words to go over, mister."

"I'm offended that you think I have so little self-control," Rafael scoffed, promptly reaching for the tap and cutting off the water's stream. He handed the final plate to Sonny, leaning forward to graze his lips over the sensitive spot behind Sonny's earlobe, already prickled over with a small, raised patch of goosebumps. "But after homework time and bedtime? _Absolutely_."

Sonny fumbled the plate in his hands, almost slamming it on the counter as his cheeks colored over in rosy shades of pink, stuttering as he called out once again, "E-Elisa! It's-it's time to do your homework, come on!"

It was slightly embarrassing, but undeniably true; Rafael almost couldn't contain himself at the thought of getting his hands on Sonny's narrow, pretty, little hips tonight.

Between Elisa starting kindergarten, Sonny studying for the sergeant's exam, and Rafael's general lack of an open schedule overall as the Manhattan EADA, there'd barely been any leeway over the past month for them to pause and take things slow.

So a rare, midweek evening off in which their family was able to come together over a warm meal and be regaled by the latest tales of Elisa's adventures in Room 7?

Rafael remembers thinking that a night alone in his office, nursing a bottle of scotch with his feet thrown aimlessly over the polished mahogany of his desk was as close to a perfect evening as one could get.

How foolish he had been.

Of course, that had been before he'd had a husband and daughter who'd made every facet of his life brighter in an almost incomprehensible way.

Almost seven years later, and dinner at six o'clock followed by homework time and making love to a man that he'd never dared dream to exist was what Rafael defined, unequivocally, as the perfect evening.

Rafael had found bliss in the domesticity of his life, and when he thought on it long enough, he couldn't fathom a worthy explanation as to how he'd ever wanted anything but this.

"Where the heck is she, Rafi? I've called her like six times now." Sonny stuck his head into the hallway, dabbing at the still-soaked portion of the cuff of his sleeve. "Elisa? Elis – oh. There you are. What took you so long, bunny, I thought I was gonna be calling you until your next birthday."

Elisa giggled as she weaved herself throughout the obstacle of Sonny's legs, just managing to dodge his advances before she was pulled off of her toes for a soapy hug.

"Sorry, daddy, I didn't hear you the first time you called me!"

Sonny shot him an arch of brows, Rafael shrugging as he took the seat across from Elisa, already dumping out the contents of her backpack onto the kitchen table.

"What do you mean, 'first time'? I called you like nine different times, bunny."

Elisa, however, seemed keen on not providing an answer, instead focusing on procuring a pencil from the front pouch of her backpack, grasping it in hand and opening the bright purple folder which she'd designated her, "homework folder _only_ , daddy" after Rafael had tried sneaking a note to her teacher into the folder's pocket last Monday.

"What homework do you have tonight?" Rafael asked, throwing Sonny an equally as confused glance before turning back to Elisa.

"Spelling words!" she proclaimed, pulling out the very first worksheet on the right side of her folder. "I have to write them two times each in my very bestest handwriting."

Sonny took the chair between them, rolling up the shirt sleeves – one now wrinkled from Rafael's earlier assault on it – of his checkered button-up. He peered over Elisa's shoulder, giving a low whistle as his blue eyes scanned the paper from top to bottom.

" _Dog_? I dunno, that's a pretty tough one, bunny. You think you can do it?"

Elisa looked so absolutely offended at the notion that she wasn't capable of spelling a word as simple as "dog" that Rafael couldn't help the laughter that burst from behind his chest, warm, and bright, and full of affection for the man and little girl currently sat across from him.

"I don't know. Can _you_ spell dog, daddy?"

And there was that patented Barba sass, a quality which Sonny insisted he'd instilled in Elisa from the time that she was old enough to talk, because, "You're always sassing me in front of her, Rafi. Little kids are like sponges, you know."

She stuck her tongue out then, eyes scrunched up and chin tilted to meet Sonny's gaze, a flicker of hesitation not even passing over his husband's face before he pulled an expression to match Elisa's.

"Alright, alright, you two," Rafael chuckled. "Can we please get some homework done now? Preferably _before_ the evening is over?"

Elisa re-focused immediately upon her paper, pencil moving in slow, meticulous curves and lines as she began the process of copying each of the week's spelling words.

She was so like Sonny in that way: brain never ceasing in its ability to focus and re-focus itself almost spontaneously.

It reminded Rafael of one of Sonny's first days on the job – post-moustache, blessedly.

Rafael had strode into the precinct that day, gait long and purposeful with a sole intent on the door to Olivia's office.

So much so, it had seemed, that Rafael hadn't noticed the presence of one loudmouth – and annoyingly handsome – detective at his shoulder, lanky legs finding no difficulty in keeping up with Rafael's pace.

"Hey, counselor!" he'd started, hot breath ghosting against Rafael's neck as he'd gained enough distance to walk directly to Rafael's left. "I just wanted to let you know – now that I'm on the team for good and everything – how much I admire you! Like in court the other day, when you discredited the defense's witness like that? _Man_ , that was awes – ".

"Carisi? Are you going to continue harassing Barba, or are you going to work on getting that DNA sample for me?"

 _God_ , how Rafael had loved Olivia Benson and her impeccable timing in that moment.

Sonny had frozen immediately, Rafael having turned just in time to catch the pink blush coloring over the height of Sonny's cheekbones.

It had amazed Rafael, even then, how quickly Sonny had been able to re-focus tasks; in one second he'd gone from brushing shoulders with Rafael to settling behind his desk, all thoughts of his conversation with the counselor seemingly forgotten as he'd picked up his landline to call the ME's office.

Nine years later, and Sonny had shared that little quirk with their daughter.

Nine years later, and Rafael was sharing a life with that irritatingly adorable and bright-eyed detective, the one who had caused Rafael's heart to inexplicably beat a little faster after the appearance of that blush, the first time that Rafael had ever bore witness to its color.

Nine years later, and Rafael had caused that same blush a hundred times over, just as he'd hoped he would after seeing it that very first time.

"Hey, bunny, what's this?" Sonny's brows were furrowed as he leaned in closer to Elisa, long fingers finding purchase on a sheet of paper tucked carefully into the left side of Elisa's folder.

He glanced over the sheet, head whipping upwards to find Rafael's gaze, then Elisa's once more.

"Is this from your teacher?" Sonny asked.

Elisa nodded, eyes never straying from the motion of loops and strokes she was creating with the pencil – almost held correctly! – in her hand.

As Sonny's eyes trailed further and further along the paper, Rafael felt a knot in his stomach beginning to grow with every change in Sonny's expression: brows furrowing even farther, mouth pulled tight in a taut line, blue eyes no longer alight with the same giddiness Rafael had seen reflected earlier as he and Elisa had played and teased.

"Rafi, read this."

Sonny practically shoved the document underneath the tip of Rafael's nose, concern alight across every plane of his sweet face as he set his eyes back on Elisa, tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she carefully – _carefully_ – erased the "t" from the end of "cat".

Rafael took the paper in both hands, gaze settling on the words, " _Dear parent or guardian of,_ ", followed by, " _Elisa Barba-Carisi_ " written in deep blue ink underneath the school's contact information.

 _This is to inform you that your child did not pass the recent hearing screening at our school. Results may or may not indicate the possibility of a hearing loss._

 _We strongly recommend that your child receive a complete diagnostic hearing evaluation. Please contact your primary care physician for a referral to an audiologist in your area. An audiologist is a certified and licensed health professional who specializes in the identification, assessment, and management of hearing loss._

 _A copy of the screening form is provided as well as a list of audiologists in the area._

 _If you have questions about the screening results or if you need further information about the recommended referral, please call (917)225-9606._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Shelley Briscoe, School Nurse_

Rafael found it increasingly difficult to comprehend the medical jargon that took up the backside of the paper, only the word "unsatisfactory" printed bold, and black, and ugly next to over half of the test results defined clearly.

Unsatisfactory.

How had he and Sonny missed this?

Unsatisfactory.

It made his chest feel tight, his lungs burn, his stomach turn inwards on itself, because he and Sonny were the ones that had failed.

Not Elisa.

 _They_ had missed this.

This wasn't the type of thing you missed, this wasn't forgetting to remind your child to brush their teeth before bed once every few months, this wasn't forgetting to sign the permission slip for a field trip to the Central Park Zoo – this was _missing_ something.

Not being aware, not paying close enough attention, not spending enough evenings at home to notice the warning signs –.

Sonny had had to call Elisa nine times.

Nine times, and she hadn't heard him.

A warning sign.

It all made sense now.

Why, the past couple of weeks, when he'd managed to make it home at a relatively decent time, the TV in the living room had been turned almost to its maximum volume, Elisa sitting less than a foot away, coloring, while her nanny said from the kitchen, "She insisted on having it that loud. I tried, but. You can't argue with her."

Why, the past couple of weeks, when he'd tucked her in and she'd nestled into his side for story time before bed, she'd asked, "Can you please read louder, daddy?"

Warning signs.

And he had missed it.

Sonny must have read Rafael, read the set of his face and known that he was rapidly losing it, because he inquired, abruptly, "Are you almost done, bunny?", a hand gesturing to the page underneath Elisa's nose.

"Yep! All done! Will you check it for me, daddy?"

"'Course I will." Sonny eyed the worksheet, making quick work of reading it over before pressing a kiss to Elisa's temple. "It's perfect, bunny. You did such a good job. Your handwriting is getting better and better every day."

He fluffed her hair then, standing up from the table as Elisa placed her worksheet back in its folder, tossing it into her unzipped backpack.

"And now, it's time for someone to go to bed. I'll tuck you in tonight, bunny, okay? Daddy's got some stuff he needs to look over for work."

Rafael was about to protest when Sonny gathered the back and Elisa into his arms in one fell swoop, the backpack flung over his shoulder and Elisa tucked into the opposite side of his body.

"You go on and go to the bedroom, Rafi. I got it."

He knew what Sonny was doing; Sonny was trying to give him the chance to be alone, to recollect himself before they talked, before they discussed whatever it _was_ that you discussed after processing the sort of piece of information that they'd been handed.

Sonny walked nearer to him, almost folding the length of his lanky torso in half in order to better allow Elisa closer access to his face.

She grinned, so happily at him, the bands around his ribcage squeezing farther as her lips brushed against his cheek: "Nighty night, daddy. I love you!"

Green eyes so bright; innocent.

Her world was meant to be safe, _protected_.

He'd never be able to forgive himself if something serious was actually wrong with Elisa.

Not if it was because he had missed it.

* * *

When Sonny entered their bedroom, eyes still bright and animated from his bedtime story rendition, Rafael was sitting on Sonny's side of the bed, still fully-clothed, watch on his wrist and vest buttoned and intact.

"It's my fault," he said.

Quiet.

Not meeting Sonny's gaze.

"What?"

Sonny's voice was low, uncharacteristically so, so soft and unlike the deep booms that Rafael had grown accustomed to hearing from his husband's mouth.

"It's my fault, Sonny," he repeated, eyes averted towards the cream carpeting underneath his socked feet.

"I should've noticed the signs, I've been with her more often than you have lately. And that's not your fault, I know that you're having to pick up overtime because of Rollins being on maternity leave again. I'm the one that's home with her in the evening, so it's mine. It's my fault, Sonny, not yours – ".

"Rafael. Stop it. Stop it right now."

And before Rafael could respond, his face was in Sonny's hands, in Sonny's strong, warm, calloused hands, Sonny sitting next to him on the bed, jaw set and eyes fierce as he turned Rafael's entire body to face him with gentle hands on his cheeks.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Rafael. Don't you dare. This is not your fault. How could you have known that this was going on, huh?"

Sonny's thumbs were brushing over his cheekbones as he spoke, touches light and firm in the way that always had Rafael feeling safer than he had in his forty-nine years of living.

But Sonny was wrong.

He _had_ known was going on.

"But I did know, love. Every night that I've come home the past couple of weeks, she's had the TV blaring in the living room. And I brushed it off, because I figured it was just Elisa being Elisa – ".

"Of course you did. How could you have thought anything different? I hate it break it to you, Rafi, but our kid's always been pretty weird. She's always had little quirks like that, and those are the things that make her so special. Those things are what make her ours. So how could you have known any different?"

The light was still in Sonny's eyes, Rafael noticed.

It wasn't the twinkle of bedtime stories, though, of a little head against a strong chest and sleep Eskimo kisses.

It was warmth and love.

It was Rafael's look. The look that was just for him.

Sonny's eyes were so _blue_ , his eyes were so _warm_ , his _chest_ was so warm, _he_ was warmth, and love, and the press of his thumbs was the singular thing keeping Rafael from falling apart right now.

"And it hurts me, 'cause every time something like this happens, you automatically blame yourself. Like when she broke her arm at the park last year. We _both_ turned around, for what, two seconds? And then when we looked back, she'd fallen off the monkey bars.

"And you kept saying that it was _your_ fault, that _you_ should've been watching her, that _you_ shouldn't have turned around, when we were _both_ there.

"We both turned around, Rafi, not just you. And it hurts me to see you do this to yourself, because you are such an incredible man. You're an incredible husband, and I am so lucky to have you. And Elisa's lucky to have you, because you've been an incredible father to her from the moment that we brought her home.

"So this is not on you. We will get her a doctor's appointment, we'll figure out what's going on, and we'll get through this together, just like we always have. Okay?"

With Sonny's hands on his face, with Sonny's words in his heart, Rafael knew that they would be okay.

That Elisa would be okay.

He was foolish to believe otherwise.

"Okay."

They would get through this together.

He and Sonny, together.

Sonny kissed his forehead then, murmuring against his skin, "You know what, Rafi? Since Gina's husband's Elisa's pediatrician, I bet I can call him and he can refer us to someone right now. Will that ease your mind a little bit, too?"

Rafael nodded, Sonny already on his feet and reaching for his phone perched on their shared oak dresser.

He dialed the number, and within seconds Rafael could hear the drone of Gina's husband coming through the other line.

"Hey, Paul! Yeah, I'm good, real good. There was actually something that I wanted to ask you about. Elisa needs to see an audiologist, so I was wondering if you might know someone me and Rafi could get her into as soon as possible?"

There was silence for a few moments, Rafael grabbing Sonny's hand from its position on his thigh, nervously toying with his wedding ring, twisting it back and forth in little circles around his bony finger.

"Oh, you have a friend that could see her tomorrow? You texted him and it's already confirmed? Wow, thank you so much, man, I really appreciate it! No, it's nothing serious, I don't think. The school sent home some letter saying she needed to get checked out, so we're trying to just stay on the safe side."

A few more moments, a few more twists.

"Alright, well, thank you again, Paul! I really owe you one! Kiss Gina for me, will you? Thanks, man. 'Night."

Sonny tossed his phone on the bed as he pressed "end", and Rafael finally felt as though he could breathe once more.

"Well, you hear that, Rafi? She's got an appointment for tomorrow after school. You feel better now?"

He pulled Sonny closer to him, Sonny nuzzling his cheek and underneath the stubble of his chin as he tucked himself against Rafael's chest.

"I felt better after you said that I was an incredible man. But, that helped a little bit, too."

Sonny kissed at his clothed chest, over the pale blue fabric that lay across his heart.

"Yeah, well. Are you done making yourself feel like shit? 'Cause I'd really like to make love to my husband tonight. I haven't had the opportunity to do so in quite some time."

As Sonny continued his press of kisses, from over Rafael's heart, to across his collarbone, to up his neck, Rafael felt loved.

Sonny never blamed him for anything.

Sonny always knew just what to say to make Rafael see himself for who he truly was.

Rafael was a good man, despite how long he'd worked to convince himself otherwise.

Rafael wasn't who his father had been.

He was a good man, an _incredible_ man according to Sonny, and Sonny saw that, Sonny _had_ seen that from the very beginning, and he'd always made sure that Rafael knew.

He threw an arm around Sonny's waist, pushed him onto his back and straddled his thighs, undoing the strap on his watch and placing it on his bedside table.

Sonny was smiling, cheeks bright pink and dimpled, when Rafael kissed him.

"Thank you. I love you, Sonny. So much."

Thin fingers carding into the ends of his hair, a smile under his mouth, Sonny's warm body underneath his, and Rafael felt loved.

"I love you, too, Rafi. Now take off your pants, will ya?"

* * *

"Three little monkeys jumping on the bed! One fell off and bumped his head! Daddy called the doctor and the doctor said! Your turn, daddy!"

"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

Giggles erupted from directly behind him as Sonny roared the final line of the stanza, his eyes turning upward to catch Elisa bouncing away in her car seat, little feet kicking and grazing his own spot in the front of the car as she grinned happily.

As was Elisa's way, she'd taken a few artistic liberties with the classic song immediately after he and Rafael had taught it to her for the first time, stating that there was to be no "mama", only "daddy" or "papi" for the times when both he and Rafael were present for the song's performance.

"Two little monkeys jumping on the bed! One fell off and bumped her head! Daddy called the doctor and the doctor said!"

"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

Sonny made a right, eyes scanning along the patchwork jumble of buildings that made up the medical plaza in which Park Audiology apparently stood.

He'd only had five minutes that morning to hastily scrabble down the address, the scrap of paper in which it'd been written on almost left behind in a flurry of lateness as he'd scrambled for his suit jacket, hasty kisses pressed to Elisa and Rafael's temples before he'd ran out the door, the corner of a piece of burnt toast – an attempt by Elisa – shoved into his mouth.

He hadn't had time to actually MapQuest the address, as he typically would've liked, hadn't had time to plan out the most time-effective route between Elisa's school and the audiologist's office; he'd spent too long in bed that morning, in Rafael's arms, with the overwhelming heat of Rafael's body like a blanket thrown over his skin.

But they were here now, even having arrived twenty minutes before Elisa's scheduled appointment, and Sonny was _totally_ giving himself a Super Dad sticker for this one.

"Alright, bunny, we're here. You ready to go inside?"

Elisa shook her head almost violently against the headrest of her car seat, a pout that Sonny himself were proud of forming on her lips.

" _No_ , daddy! We have to finish the song first!"

Sonny gasped at himself in horror, eyes wide and mouth agape as he spun around to meet Elisa's gaze, his pretend-shock a perfect match to her amusement.

"I am so, so sorry, bunny," he said, moving to prop his chin atop the driver's side seat. "Please, continue. Don't let me interrupt you again."

She smirked, and Sonny only had a split-second to admire how distinctly her sweet face resembled Rafael's in that moment before she was launching into the song's final verse: "One little monkey jumping on the bed! He fell off and bumped his head! Daddy called the doctor and the doctor said!"

"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" Sonny proclaimed, chest tight as Elisa leaned forward and brushed her nose against his, a soft whisper of, "Thanks, daddy" following an even softer kiss.

"You're welcome, baby. Now, your appointment isn't technically for fifteen more minutes, so you might wanna bring your bag, okay?" Sonny gestured to the canvas tote laid underneath the seat beside Elisa's, its red handle fraying from five years of repeated use.

It was Elisa's "art" bag, an idea which Sonny un-grudgingly credited entirely to Rafael after he'd made the suggestion following an afternoon in which they'd been made to cart Elisa along on a day-long trip to the DMV.

Sonny loved his daughter to death, and no one could dispute that fact, but four and a half hours' worth of patty cake was enough to make him want to shove his head inside of a paper bag and scream.

And so the idea of the art bag had come to fruition, a canvas tote that had long been abandoned in a closetful of towels and various toiletries discovered anew, and filled to the brim with coloring books, crayons, and a box of magic markers.

Stickers and scrap paper had been added later, by Elisa's suggestion, of course.

"Okay! I'll draw daddy a picture while we wait since he couldn't come," Elisa said, unwinding her arms out from underneath the confines of her car seat's buckles as Sonny undid its clasp.

She hopped down from the car, pale pink sneakers hitting pavement and tote bag slung over a shoulder as her little hand came up and wrapped itself around Sonny's index finger.

"Yeah?" he asked as they started walking across the sidewalk, bounding up the concrete steps that led to the entryway of the office. "I bet he'd really love that, bunny."

Once they'd entered the office, Sonny was assaulted with the odor of medical disinfectant, its scent so overwhelmingly strong and _sanitizing_ that it put his own arsenal of cleaning supplies hidden away underneath the kitchen sink to shame.

"Why does it smell so bad in here, daddy?" Elisa whispered, nose crinkled as she pressed her side tightly to Sonny's leg.

She was nervous.

It was rarity, but that was why Sonny was so quick to scope it out whenever it occurred.

Whenever she was unsure about a situation, a person, a food, a place – she burrowed herself into either him or Rafael.

It was typically whoever was closest, her nose diving forward and finding safety in the warmth of a chest or a neck.

Or a leg, as it currently stood, until Sonny leaned down and scooped her up, her nose quickly finding its way to underneath his ear just as they approached the receptionist's desk.

"Hi, my name's Melanie! Welcome to Park Audiology!" one of the secretaries greeted, her orange curls bouncing against shoulders as she averted her eyes from the computer monitor at the head of her desk. "What can I help you with?"

Sonny nodded a greeting, said, "My daughter, Elisa, is supposed to have an appointment today at three. It should be under my name, Carisi?"

She clacked away, manicured nails almost echoing in the heavy silence of the waiting room: "It looks like it's right here! Are you Dominick?"

"That would be me," he answered.

"Great! Dr. Samuels should be out with you shortly, then." She gestured to the waiting area directly to her right, almost empty save for an elderly couple perched across from the sole TV set of the office. "While you're waiting, you can go ahead and make yourselves comfortable over there."

Sonny nodded his thanks once more, already beginning to maneuver himself amongst the gaggle of unoccupied chairs, finally depositing Elisa into his lap once they'd reached the opposite end of the waiting area.

Elisa didn't remove herself from the confines of his neck once they'd put a safe distance between themselves and the stranger at the front desk, however; instead, she seemed content with keeping Sonny's neck caged within her arms and knobby shoulders.

Hell-bent, even, and that's how Sonny knew.

"Are we drawing a picture for daddy?" he prodded, poking Elisa in her overalls-covered belly. "You know how much daddy loves your pictures, bunny. I bet he'd get the happiest smile on his face if you gave him a new picture when he gets home tonight."

Slowly, Sonny felt her nod against his cheek.

"Yeah? What do you wanna draw him?"

There was a pause, but only one moment later and Sonny was peering into his daughter's green eyes once more, the flutter of her eyelashes against his skin already a distant memory.

"Do you remember a couple days ago, when I was with daddy at the big court place? And you came to pick us up?"

Sonny grinned. "'Course I do. You looked like your daddy's mini-me that day, all dressed up with your fancy sunglasses."

The image had made Sonny's heart melt: Elisa and Rafael, hand-in-hand on the courthouse steps, both dressed to the nines and awaiting his arrival.

Elisa had been wearing her sunglasses that day, a purple pair with ivory daisies lining its rims and frames; and Rafael, beside her, had been sporting his, a pair of ridiculously expensive Ray Bans whose only _real_ purpose Sonny described as, "making you look like a sexy movie star, Rafi."

Her dark hair, her tan skin, her obviously-inherited sense of style; she'd even had a sytrofoam cup gripped in the hand that wasn't holding onto Rafael's – a hot chocolate, as Sonny had later been informed.

From the outside, she was a carbon copy of Rafael, and Sonny was sure that the resemblance he saw of his husband within their daughter was the type of happiness that no one else could ever have.

Sonny had thought, at one point, that that kind of happiness was unattainable for him as well.

It was too bright, too all-consuming, too _real_.

But that was before.

Before Sonny had found someone who didn't try to change him, who didn't try to tone down Sonny's eagerness or amp up Sonny's taste in clothing, who didn't call Sonny "too sensitive" when he was inevitably hurt by whatever came through the doors of Manhattan SVU.

That was before Sonny had found someone who knew his flaws and loved him for them, before Sonny had found someone who was willing to give Sonny everything he'd ever wanted and more.

That was before Rafael, before Rafael's love had made Sonny feel whole, before Rafael had given Sonny the joy of a child who had brought so much unexpected brightness into their life together.

Elisa tapped on his shoulder, already having pulled out a blank piece of construction paper and a 24-count pack of crayons, as well as one of her spare coloring books to use as a surface for the creation of her art.

"I'm gonna make your suit pink, okay?" she grinned, beginning to form the outline of what appeared to be Sonny's head.

"Nah, you should make daddy's suit pink," he replied, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "To match his pink suspenders."

"Oh, that's a great idea! Thanks, daddy!"

Elisa's whole entire body seemed to light up as she ducked her head to kiss Sonny's cheek; her fingers never left the paper, however, as she began to give her drawn Sonny a dark blue suit.

"Elisa?"

Their heads lifted, the appearance of a nurse in the waiting room signaling the end of Elisa's artwork.

"She's right here," Sonny gestured, alerting her of their presence before placing Elisa's half-complete drawing safely into her tote, now slung over his own shoulder.

"You wanna walk or do you want me to carry you?" he asked his daughter – her distaste at being interrupted mid-picture made clear by the presence of an extremely Barba-esque scowl on her face.

"Carry me," she demanded.

And with Elisa's face shoved into his neck once more, Sonny followed the nurse into an examination room on the far-left end of the back of the office, where a man stood apt to greet them.

"Hey, you must be Dominick, Paul's brother-in-law! I'm Dr. Samuels." He offered a firm hand, eyes crinkled at the corners as he glanced between Elisa's death grip and Sonny's gaze. "And this must be Elisa?"

Sonny nodded. "She's not normally this shy, but, uh. She's not much of a fan of doctor's offices. She always thinks that she's gonna be getting shots."

Dr. Samuels chuckled, then said, "And what kid doesn't? But, I can guarantee that there won't be any shots today, Elisa."

Elisa perked up at that, her arms relaxing just the slightest as her eyes finally landed on the doctor's form. "Really?" she asked softly.

"Yep. No shots," Dr. Samuels gestured towards his nurse, her bright purple scrubs catching Elisa's attention, Sonny noticed with a grin. "Allison and I are actually going to take you back for a few tests that'll let us get a closer look at what's going on inside of your ears. That sound okay to you?"

Her fingers tightened around Sonny's collarbone: "Can my daddy come with me?"

Before he answered, Dr. Samuels beckoned them a few feet over, past the examination room, to where a panel of glass lined almost the entirety of the remainder of the wall, a testing lab visible just behind it.

"You see right here, Elisa?" he pointed, knuckles tapping rhythmically against the window. "This is our testing lab. You see all of those machines?"

Elisa nodded hesitantly, green eyes flickering from corner to corner of the large room.

"Well, in order for our machines to work properly, we have to have as little chance of noise as possible. Because if there's too much noise, then our machines can get all wacky and give us the wrong results. So that means that the only people who can go in there are you, me, and my nurse."

"But what if my daddy promises to be really quiet?! I just want him there so I can hold his hand!" Elisa exclaimed, and Sonny's heart was breaking, he was _physically hurting_ inside, because Elisa's little chest was rising and falling in the way that it only did after she awoke from a nightmare, when Rafael would have to sit on her bed, kiss her hair, and sing her back to sleep, his voice the only safe thing in her world in those moments.

"Hey, look at me real quick, bunny," Sonny whispered, the hand he placed on her cheek as soft and warm as his voice. "I know that you can go in there without me, 'cause you're a brave girl, right?"

She shook her head, nose bumping Sonny's fingers with the force of her answer.

"C'mon, yes you are. You're the bravest little girl I know. And if you can be brave, right now, you can tell daddy all about how brave and strong you were when he gets home tonight. And he'll be so proud of you, bunny."

She sniffled, tears having formed behind her bright eyes but not yet spilling forward. "Will you be proud of me, too?"

"Of course, I will!" Sonny strode to the window, pointing out one of the various desks which lined the outer perimeter of the room, their tops laid heavy with medical machinery. "No matter where you sit, you'll be able to see me through here. So if you get scared, or nervous, you can look over here and find me, and I'll be right here. Okay?"

Gently, carefully, Sonny lowered Elisa until her sneakers came into contact with the tile flooring once more, his own knees bending to meet her gaze. His hands settled on her sides, holding her close and safe to the narrow set of his chest.

"So you think you can do that, bunny? Be brave?"

Sonny felt her fingers come to rest on top of his, her little palms flat against his larger ones.

"I think I can, daddy."

"That's my girl." Sonny pressed his lips to her forehead, pecked once, twice, three times, before pulling back and saying, "I love you. Now go with the doctors, okay?"

The nurse offered a hand, her kind grin spreading wider when Elisa finally – timidly – took it.

"You stay right there, daddy, okay? Don't move," Elisa ordered, her index finger wagging at Sonny; he chuckled, as it was the same gesture he often employed in the rare moments when Elisa didn't clean her room or she snuck pretzels into her bed.

"I'm not going anywhere. My feet are glued to this spot."

And with that, Elisa was trailing Dr. Samuels, her fingers still intertwined tightly with the young nurse's.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, and Sonny found himself as the one sitting in the examination room chair as Dr. Samuels threw a leg over the countertop nearest him.

He'd texted Rafael an update the moment that Elisa had sat across from the first machine, Dr. Samuels at her left and the nurse at her right.

Sonny had made it quick, succinct, because he knew that Rafael was in court and wouldn't be able to do more than glance at his phone once it buzzed with the arrival of Sonny's message: _Elisa's doing ok. Almost had a meltdown, but crisis was averted. Expect lots of stories when you get home._

 _Okay. Love you both_ had been Rafael's just as short, but significantly sweeter reply; his answer had practically been beginning for Sonny to shoot off a final, _We love you too_.

"So, uh, where's Elisa? Is she doing a few more tests?" Sonny asked, biting at the jagged edge of a thumbnail.

 _Dammit_. He'd been better at not doing that, too.

"No, no, I just had my nurse take her over to the playroom we have down the hall," Dr. Samuels explained, opening the manila file folder he'd brought into the room – presumably, one which contained Elisa's test results. "I've just found in the past that it's easier for me to do all of the medical-speak with the parents when they're on their own. And then, together, we can worry about explaining things to the kids."

Dr. Samuels laid the files on the still-empty space of counter before him, eyes darting back and forth from indecipherable letter to indecipherable number.

"So it's not good news than, huh?"

The doctor smiled, kind, motioning to the documents at his side, "It's not the kind of news that any parent hopes for, no. But it's not terrible news, either."

When Sonny simply arched a brow, the man continued.

"You and your husband adopted Elisa, yes? And I'm assuming that there were no familial medical records provided to you by the agency?"

Sonny grimaced. He should've guessed this.

"No, she was a Baby Doe so they didn't have any records from her birth parents. Which leads me to believe that, whatever it is that Elisa has, it's genetic?"

Dr. Samuels nodded, hands flying as he began to thumb through Elisa's reports once more.

"I'm almost positive, just based on her test results and the records that your brother-in-law faxed over. There's a definite hearing loss present, but, according to the records that I have, it wouldn't have been caused by anything medical-related in the past five years. She doesn't have a history of ear infections, and she hasn't had measles, or an extreme bout of the flu. So, the only viable explanation is a genetic predisposition."

Sonny breathed.

Sonny breathed, and felt relief.

Relief because, he and Rafael hadn't missed this – they just simply hadn't _known_.

Relief because they'd kept their promise, and they'd kept their little girl as safe as they possibly could, and because what had suddenly been sprung upon them was because of knowledge that they'd never been provided with.

This wasn't because of their inabilities as parents.

They just simply hadn't known.

"So it's nothing too serious than, doc? I feel like you would've told me already if it were something serious."

The man chuckled, his hand coming up and rubbing along the black and gray scruff that peppered his jaw.

"No, it's not serious. She will need hearing aids, and there's a strong likelihood that her hearing will progressively worsen as she gets older. But the chances of her ever completely losing her hearing are slim to none."

Relief.

It wasn't serious.

They would be able to get their little girl through this.

"Is there anything else that we need to do today?" Sonny asked; his chest felt light, airy, more open than it had all day.

Breathing felt easier when brought with the knowledge that Elisa would be okay.

"Well, we'll need to get Elisa fitted for her hearing aids before you leave. If I place the order as soon as that's been done, the company will be able to overnight ship them and they should arrive here by tomorrow," Dr. Samuels finished with a grin. "But other than that, no. Your daughter's going to be just fine, Sonny."

It was one of the best combinations of words that Sonny had ever heard; "I love you", coming from Rafael and Elisa's lips, and, "your daughter's going to be fine."

"Fine".

"Fine" was perfect for Sonny.

"Fine" was good enough for now.

As they made their way towards the door, Sonny stopped himself just short of following the doctor's long strides back into the office's hallways.

"Hey doc, I do have one more question for you, though. Do they make hearing aids that come in purple?"

* * *

Rafael was dying to know.

Rafael was dying to know, and he was just about prepared to strangle Sonny because of it.

Sonny had called him on the way home from Elisa's appointment, during a lull in Rafael's schedule and the normally ceaseless City traffic.

When Rafael had questioned Sonny on the intricacies of Elisa's visit – how it'd went, if Elisa had warmed up to the doctors, what the test results had indicated – Sonny had answered, simply, "I'll tell you when you get home, Rafi. It's too much to explain over the phone."

Rafael distinctly remembers pinching the bridge of his nose and counting to ten before saying, as calmly as one could through gritted teeth, " _No_ , Sonny, it's not."

Sonny had replied, tone annoyingly sing-song and saccharine, " _Yes_ , Rafi, it is. Now Elisa, say goodbye to daddy!"

And before he'd had the chance to argue, a biting objection on the tip of his tongue, Elisa had said, loud enough for him to hear through the phone's receiver from her position in the backseat, "Bye, daddy! Te amo!"

Rafael wanted to strangle Sonny.

And he was going to, as soon as that dumb, adorable, blond head made itself known once he'd stepped into their apartment.

Except, as soon as he'd toed his way through the front door, he was intercepted by a flash of brunette hair, anxious fingers grabbing at his vest, and a yelp of, "Daddy, you're home! Pick me up! Pick me up!"

It was half-tackle, half-hug, but Elisa was enclosed in the entirety of his arms all the same, her little hands coming up to rest on his face as she exclaimed, "How was court today, daddy?! Did you win?! Did you put the bad guy away?!"

"Yes, I did," he chuckled, pressing a momentary kiss to her forehead. He let the briefcase at his side fall to the floor, against the support of the coffee table before striding to the kitchen bar top, where Sonny, grinning sheepishly from behind the safety of the counter, maneuvered between the clutter of pots and pans he'd laid out on the stove, his goofy "Kiss the Cook" apron tied loose around his waist all the while.

"But, more importantly, how did your doctor's appointment go, bunny? What did you find out?"

He pointed a glare at Sonny, over the top of Elisa's head as he sat her gently on the span of countertop between them. His husband, now apparently immune to his, "courtroom glares of death", – Sonny's chosen phrasing for the look – only smiled wider, dimples puckering deep in his cheeks.

"Well," she began, and she placed her palms on Rafael's face once more, apparently needing to bring him closer. "The doctor told me that I don't really hear as good as other kids. He said it's probably because whoever took care of me before you and daddy did didn't hear very good either."

She was practically bursting, Rafael's heart right along with her, her legs kicking and swinging over the edge of the bar top, entire body bouncing and her outstretched fingers still spread over the whole of Rafael's cheeks.

"But guess what, daddy?! I get to have these called hearing aids that daddy said will give me superpowers to hear better! _Real_ superpowers, like Rapunzel and Elsa!"

Sonny's grin – bright, happy, _beautiful_ – over the height of Elisa's curls was all that Rafael could see.

Superpowers.

Elisa had _superpowers_.

Not a disability, not something that made her different, not something to be ashamed of and to be hidden away, but _superpowers_.

It was something that made her stronger, more powerful, more incredible of a little girl than she already was – and what a phenomenal feat to overcome that had been.

"See, Rafi, there's no way I could've told you all that over the phone. You had to hear it from the super girl herself," Sonny added, dimples still showing, smile tender and full on his face, and Rafael _loved him_.

Everything was going to be okay.

Their little girl had superpowers, the hearing loss wasn't serious, wouldn't ever _be_ serious, and everything was going to be okay.

"Oh, and my hearing aids are gonna be purple, daddy! I get to wear my favorite color every day now!" Elisa exclaimed.

She stuck an index finger into his chest, hitting the silk, navy fabric of his tie. "You have to wear one of your purple ties to work tomorrow so that we can match. 'Cause guess what, I get to get them after school tomorrow!"

Rafael finally found his voice, one of his larger hands enveloping and squeezing the bony fingers laying against his suit jacket: "I promise that I'll be at your appointment tomorrow, bunny. I'll cancel all of my afternoon meetings if I have to."

He brushed his lips across her knuckles, then added, "And, you can pick out my tie for me tomorrow. Because I think that getting superpowers counts as a pretty big day for my bunny."

"It's the biggest day, daddy! It's gonna be the _best_ day!" she said, and the hug that Rafael found himself being pulled into was much closer to strangling as Elisa's arms looped themselves tightly around his neck.

"Okay, okay, bunny, go wash your hands before you break daddy's neck. Dinner's almost ready," Sonny laughed, lifting her up by the waist and depositing her on to the kitchen floor.

Elisa giggled and bounded off down the hallway, leaving Sonny to motion to the sizzling pans at his left: "I made steaks for dinner tonight. And chicken nuggets for the princess, of course. I figured that today was worth celebrating with more than leftover lasagna."

In three steps, Rafael managed to close the space between them.

In three steps, he hooked an arm around Sonny's skinny waist.

And in one motion, he pulled Sonny down by the back of the neck, fingers curling and winding upwards into thick hair, lips finding his in a kiss.

"I love you so much," he breathed, hand on Sonny's warm neck, palm spread on a strong back. "You're incredible, Sonny. Absolutely incredible. What you said to her – ".

"I just didn't want her to feel like she's any different, Rafi, ya know? I don't want her feeling like she's any worse than anybody else," Sonny answered. He leaned forward, rubbed the tip of his nose, up and down, gently, against the bridge of Rafael's. "'Cause she's amazing. Hearing impairment and all."

Rafael was about to voice his obvious agreement to Sonny's simple, yet incredibly poignant words, when the stench of ashy smoke erupted from behind them, ending their embrace preemptively.

"Shit!"

Sonny scrambled for one of their ridiculously extravagant stove's knobs, – he'd been the one who'd insisted on its purchase – cutting off the heat to a pot resting on the burner to the farthest right with a sigh.

"Well, looks like the broccolis burnt. You're lucky I love you and that I don't mind your distracting kisses, Rafi," he grumbled, an index finger wagging as he removed the stainless-steel pot from the stove and set it in the sink, its contents to be dealt with after their dinner.

"That I am," Rafael whispered.

Sonny had turned towards him, away from the still-smoking pot, hip cocked and a lopsided grin – dimples and all – aimed in his direction.

Sometimes, even after nine years, Rafael wondered how he'd gotten so lucky as to have Sonny choose him.

To love.

To raise a child with.

To grow old with.

Sometimes, even after nine years, Rafael wondered how this adorable, beautiful, goofball of a man had found his way into Rafael's life.

But then, Rafael remembered that the "how" didn't matter.

All that mattered, every day, was that Sonny had.

Before he could go on a search for plates, Sonny's arms were around him, and Sonny's lips had overtaken his, his heart, his breathing: "It goes both ways, Rafi. Always has."

He stepped back, long arm finding purchase on the oven's handle, Elisa's chicken nuggets baking behind it's door.

"It's probably better that I burned the broccoli anyways, Rafi. Elisa hates broccoli."

* * *

"How much longer do we have to wait, daddy?"

Elisa's back was laid against Sonny's chest, her words tickling the underside of his jaw as he toyed with the loose ends of hair at the tied-off portion of her braid.

They once more had found themselves in the examination room of Park Audiology: Elisa, restless in Sonny's lap, and Rafael, restless at Sonny's side.

Only after a brief introduction between Rafael and Dr. Samuels had the man stepped out of the room, in order to retrieve Elisa's new hearing aids; already, Sonny's husband and daughter looked as though they were about to burst out of their skin.

"Give it a minute, bunny," he murmured, draping her braid over the shoulder of her pale purple cardigan – chosen in a wave of barely-contained excitement that morning at the prospect of getting to match the colors of her outfit to the shade of purple that she'd chosen the previous day for her hearing aids. "The doctor only left a little bit ago. He'll be back before you know it."

Elisa sighed, dramatically, as was her wont when a situation required far more patience than she was truly willing to allow.

"I know, I just – I just _really_ want my superpowers, daddy! Plus, then we can all match my hearing aids!"

As Elisa leaned away from his hold, prodding Rafael in the belly where his pastel purple and plum-striped tie lay, Sonny cast his gaze downwards, at his own deep, purple suspenders peeking out from underneath his jacket's lapels.

Truth be told, they'd been a gag gift, courtesy of one Amanda Rollins only a few weeks after Sonny had first informed her – drunkenly – that he and Rafael had been dating.

She'd thrown the package at his head one quiet morning at the precinct, without an accompanying word of explanation.

Only after Sonny had peeled back the paper, revealing the suspenders underneath, had she smirked, and said, "You'd already started wearing three-piece suits before you two had even gotten together. I'll know you're about to get married when I see you wearing those."

Sonny had only worn them once before, _during_ he and Rafael's wedding – their color scheme for the event had been varying tones of purple and a warm cream.

Sonny had only worn them once before, that is, until he'd surprised Elisa with their reveal that morning over Cheerios and toast.

His wedding to the love of his life and one of their daughter's "big days"; Sonny thought his suspenders had a pretty good track record, if he did say so himself.

"Alright, Miss Elisa, are you ready to try on your brand new hearing aids?" Dr. Samuels' form re-entered the examination room, a small, black case held between thin fingers. "This is actually your permanent case that I have right here. This is where you'll put them when you take baths, or go to bed. Things like that."

Elisa and Rafael both bolted upright beside him, Elisa's head no longer laid over the soft curve of Rafael's stomach. She stared, attentively, as the doctor began to remove her hearing aids from the case's plush interior.

He approached, slowly, and bent down at Sonny's left, at Elisa's eye-level: "I'm gonna go ahead and put these in now, okay, Elisa? They're already turned on, so as soon as I put the first one in, you'll be able to hear differently. It might feel a little weird at first, but that's normal."

"Okay," she nodded; her fingers interlaced with the hand Sonny had resting on a knee, then Rafael's that was on his other. "I'm ready."

Gently, Dr. Samuels inserted the small, clear piece into Elisa's ear, the shimmery, purple ear hook – Sonny knew what the various parts were called, he'd looked up a diagram last night – attaching along the slope of her earlobe.

"Okay, now for the next one." He shuffled, shifted across the tile from foot to foot until he'd reached Elisa's right ear. Once more, with a softness far greater than his large hands should allow, Dr. Samuels placed the hearing aid into Elisa's ear.

Stepping back, palms spread wide in an inquiry, he asked, "How do they feel, Elisa? Everything sound okay?"

Her eyes were so wide, expressive, and sparkling as she jerked to face Rafael, then back to Sonny.

It was like watching her take her first steps all over again.

Stumbling, unsure, curious; hands scrambling for the coffee table's edge as she was thrown off balance by a whole new bright and open world around her.

"Well?" Sonny whispered anxiously, nuzzling Elisa's soft hair. "Can you hear better now, baby?"

One more beat, one more quizzical glance, one more metaphorical grab at polished wood, and then, "Has your voice always been that loud, daddy?"

She'd found her legs – and the coffee table – again.

Sonny didn't think he'd ever stop smiling as he took Elisa's face in his hands, her happy grin framed by gentle fingers, Rafael's booming laughter – Sonny's favorite sound, the sound that reminded him of that night in the hallway, of walking Elisa up and down, and back and forth along its length – erupting from beside him, an answer of, "Yes, trust me, bunny, daddy's voice has _always_ been that loud" leaving his husband's lips.

"I guess I'll take that as a resounding 'yes', then," Dr. Samuels chuckled, handing over Elisa's case to Sonny's one free hand – the other, still permanently drawn into Elisa's clutches.

"There are a few more things to go over," he added swiftly. "Just basic things, like how to adjust the volume, how to turn them on and off, how to tell when the batteries are dying."

He turned to face his littlest patient, swiping a hand through sandy hair as he did so: "Do you have any final questions for me, Elisa?"

Brightening – somehow – even more, she whipped her head around, effectively swatting Sonny in the nose with the tip of her braid. She leaned, farther and farther away from the confines of his chest until her nose met Rafael's.

"Can you sing to me when we get home, daddy? I wanna hear 'You are My Sunshine' now that I have my superpowers."


	3. Chapter 3

"My daddies won't give me a baby sister or baby brother. So that means _you_ need to have a baby, Carmie."

Rafael wasn't quite sure that he'd heard correctly, after his phone conference with the mayor had ended.

But no, that had been Elisa's eager whisper – she was always so good about being her version of quiet in "daddy's office" – peeking through the barely-visible crack in his heavy oak door.

She'd been sitting with Carmen, just on the outside perimeter of his office for the duration of his pseudo-meeting; Rafael had had no doubts, as he'd placed his landline back onto the receiver, that when he'd exited his office he'd find Elisa, propped on the surface of Carmen's desk, having sweet-talked herself into a French braiding session.

But then, Elisa had said what she'd said, and Rafael hadn't been able to move.

He'd been frozen.

Stunned.

He'd only been able to listen.

Listen, as Carmen laughed, and said, "Really, Elisa? I don't even have a boyfriend. What makes you think that I'll be having a baby any time soon?"

Elisa had huffed – it had been quite an audible one, even from within the confines of his office – better to portray her annoyance at the shooting down of her ingenious idea, he was sure; she _was_ half Barba, after all.

"I know, Carmie. It's just…I want a little brother or little sister _so_ _bad_! Jessie, that's auntie 'Manda's daughter, by the way, is getting a new baby sister soon! And she's told me all about how she's gonna play with her, and take care of her, and be so nice to her! And I just want a little baby brother or sister that I can love like that, too."

And then, she'd added, before Carmen could get a word in edgewise, "And sometimes it makes me sad, 'cause both of my daddies can't hold me at the same time. But if I had a baby brother or sister, both of my daddies would have a baby to hold!"

Rafael wasn't entirely sure that he'd heard the remainder of their conversation – Carmen had quipped something along the lines of, "Maybe your dads will change their minds", and Rafael had pulled Elisa back into his office before his mind could wander any farther.

But the truth was, his mind hadn't gone far from the thought that entire evening.

Even when Elisa, forty-five minutes later, had shoved herself into his lap and proceeded to lay her completed artwork – the work-in-progress picture from her doctor's appointment the week past, starring Rafael in his bright pink suit and suspenders to match – across the latter portion of his desk, and he'd kissed her temple and squeezed her closer to him, his mind hadn't strayed.

Even when Sonny had arrived home, blessedly early, and enveloped him from behind from his position at the stove, large palms spread and covering his chest, his mind hadn't strayed.

Even when Sonny had brought soft lips to his ear, murmured low, and through a grin, "Ya know, every time that I come home, and you've got dinner going, and our little girl started on her homework, I fall even harder for you. I don't know how you do it, Rafi, but I do.", his mind hadn't strayed.

And even now, with Sonny's bare back laid against his own bare chest, skinny body sprawled in between his thighs, blond hair tickling where it tucked underneath the slope of his chin, his mind hadn't strayed.

Not once, that entire evening, even when he'd played a poor attempt at starting the book that Sonny's mother had recommended to him last Sunday over brunch, had his mind strayed.

Even the title page had yet to have gone read.

And he knew that Sonny had noticed.

He knew that Sonny had noticed, over their dinner of beans and rice, when his typically daily, playful Spanish banter with Elisa – the better to tease Sonny with – had been practically non-existent.

He knew that Sonny had noticed, as they'd washed the night's dishes and his corny remark about "being wet" had earned little less than a snort from Rafael's lips.

He knew that Sonny had noticed, only ten minutes earlier as he'd crossed their mattress and laid himself in between Rafael's spread legs, Rafael simply allowing him to lazily settle into his arms.

No kisses, no teasing about "needing" to be cuddled, no squeezes of sides or bony hips, and Sonny's blue eyes had known.

Ten years in less than two months, and Sonny had known.

Sonny sighed, and turned slightly, the index cards held between his long fingers discarded on the bedding beside them; notes and various terms from the sergeant's handbook, his nightly routine of studying abandoned in favor of analyzing Rafael's distant expression.

His fingers were firm, their movement purposeful as they came to rest along Rafael's jaw and brush stubble.

"What's on your mind, Rafi? You've been quiet all night."

Rafael shook his head, thoughts jumbled as he tried to pull Sonny's features back into focus.

"It's nothing," he started; his hand came to lay atop Sonny's next, removing his thin fingers from their perch on his chin. "I'm just tired. And stressed. This case has been absolute hell to prosecute."

A triple homicide, one in which sexual assault had been present on two of the victims.

Sonny knew, as well as anyone could, the absolute mess that the defense attorney was making of their lack of evidence against his client; the result of which was one or three evening fingers of scotch, a habit which Rafael normally preferred to refrain from within the confines of their home, in front of Elisa.

But, Sonny himself had even encouraged it, known that he'd needed it after the beat downs he'd been subjected to in court on those days.

If only his thoughts could be so simple now.

Sonny nodded, sympathetically.

"You sure that's all it is? 'Cause normally, when you cook a dinner as good as the one you made tonight, I don't stop hearing about it for _at least_ three hours after. Elisa noticed, too, ya know. Asked me if you were sick, 'cause apparently, according to her, the only time that you're this quiet is when you aren't feeling well."

He chuckled, pulling until the cool surface of Sonny's wedding band had met the warmth of his lips. "My performance was off during story time, wasn't it?"

"Eh," Sonny motioned side-to-side, an indication of his subpar bedtime performance accompanied by a dimply grin. "I only noticed you were distant 'cause you didn't make fun of my _truly awful_ Cinderella impression."

"I suppose that _is_ quite out of the norm, isn't it?" Sighing, Rafael pressed a kiss to the center of Sonny's hair, soft as his daily application of gel began to lose its hold. "I don't mean to worry you two. You know that, right? That's the last thing I ever want to do."

"'Course I do. It's just," and Sonny was flipping to face him, thighs coming to straddle his rather than remain held between them. "I know you, Rafael Barba- _Carisi_. After ten years, sometimes it feels like I know you better than I know myself. And I know when something's on your mind."

He bumped their noses, a light touch which turned into a momentary nuzzle.

"Now, we don't have to talk about it tonight. I wouldn't make you do that. But I know that it's more than just this case, Rafi."

Sonny's eyes were so honest, and clear, and tender, and Rafael _wanted to tell him_.

Rafael wanted to tell Sonny all about the thought that hadn't left his mind, not once that day since Elisa had whispered into Carmen's ear her plans to get the sibling that she so desperately wanted.

Rafael wanted nothing more than to tell Sonny, to hold his love's face in between his palms, and say, " _Let's do it all again. Let's add to our family, Sonny. Let's add to this life that we've built for ourselves._ "

But he couldn't.

Because if he were to tell Sonny, get Sonny's hopes up about this flicker of an idea which had only just started to take form today, only to snuff the flame out because of his own insecurities, he knew that he would hurt Sonny.

It was easier to stay quiet.

It was _better_ to stay quiet.

"I promise you, love," Rafael whispered. He cupped Sonny's cheeks, gently, the pale softness of his skin sliding through Rafael's fingertips as their foreheads met. "That there is nothing wrong. You and Elisa don't need to worry about me. I'm fine, and I love you, and I love our little girl, and my job is the only thing that is stressing me out right now. There is nothing else."

Sonny's lips were thin, pressed tight into a line as straight as the ones that covered his forehead as he nodded, baby blues still unmistakably weary.

"Okay, Rafi. Whatever you say."

Before his mind could wander any farther, Rafael pressed himself to both Sonny's body and lips, finding silence within the soft scrape of Sonny's teeth across his neck and chest.

* * *

It was bright.

Warm, and open, and so incredibly bright.

Bright like Sonny's laughter in his mouth, bright like Elisa's fingertips on his face, bright like her whispers of, "Te amo, daddy" while braced against his chest, bright like the feeling of the whole of his heart being held between a set of little palms.

With his forearms braced against the marble countertop, a mug of mid-morning coffee in hand, and the bright echoes of his husband and daughter's voices gaining in on him from the hallway, and Rafael didn't think that the world could get any brighter.

"Elisa Rosalie, you cannot outrun the tickle monster!"

"Yes, I can, daddy, 'cause I'm faster than you!"

Tiny, socked feet were the first thing that he saw sliding around the hallway corner; then, was Elisa's shining, _bright_ face, her green eyes sparkling even in the dimness of curtain-covered light cast throughout the living room.

"Quick, daddy! Where should I hide?!"

Her question was more shout than whisper, her head and messy braids whipping from side-to-side as she turned to face Rafael while bounding behind the safety of the couch.

"If the tickle monster catches me, he'll eat me! And then, you'll have no more Elisa!"

"No more Elisa?" Rafael gasped, the hand that wasn't steadying his mug coming up to clutch at the dark blue fabric laid over his chest. "Well, that won't do at all. Come hide behind me, bunny."

With a grin, Elisa scurried around the bar top and pressed herself firmly against the back of Rafael's legs until her little body was obscured entirely from view of the living room.

"Do you think he can see me back here, daddy?" she whispered, fingers clutching the sides of his slacks.

"I don't think so, but if he does, we'll use our superpowers to – ".

"Alright, Rafi, where is she? Where's my wild bunny? Is she hiding behind you?"

Sonny was leaning over the countertop, long torso making it possible for him to almost – _almost_ – peek behind Rafael's shoulder.

"Ya know, the only reason that the tickle monster had to come out is because your daughter refuses to get dressed," he said pointedly.

He moved, farther and farther across the space that separated them until his nose bumped Rafael's ear, "Just tell her to get dressed, and the tickle monster will go away."

"I promise, love," Rafael laughed, his own shoulders rising to block Elisa's form from Sonny's searching gaze. "I'm not hiding her! I have no idea where she's wandered off to – ".

"My pajamas are more comfier!" Elisa proclaimed, her self-incriminating outburst muffled by the fabric of Rafael's pants.

"Hah, I knew it! Get over here, little Miss Barba-Carisi, we're gonna be late for brunch with auntie Liv if you don't get dressed soon."

As Sonny grabbed Elisa, her protests of, "No, daddy, stop! Go away tickle monster!" giggled out in between random tickles to her belly, Rafael swore he saw a flash of a little blond head round the corner of the hallway.

Which was _insane_ , and _ridiculous_ , and _clearly_ indicated that he needed more – and _stronger_ – coffee, because the only three people who lived in their home were currently gathered in the kitchen, engaged in a tickle battle to the death.

"Papi, ayúdame! Va a matarme con cosquillas!" Elisa gasped, her skinny arms wriggling out from beneath Sonny's grasp as she strained against the forearms bracketed across her chest.

Bewildered, Sonny shot Rafael his signature glare, always managing to make his eyes sweeter than the look should allow.

"What did she just say, Rafi? Is she trying to con you into letting her wear her pajamas to Lafayette's?"

"Actually, she said that you're going to kill her with tickles. Which, seems to be a rather astute and accurate observation from our five-year-old, love," Rafael smirked.

"Yeah, daddy, I'm astute!" Elisa said, poking her tongue out at Sonny as he finally released her from his hold, a kiss on the forehead notwithstanding.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're astute alright. Now go get dressed, Miss Astute, or else the tickle monster's gonna make another appearance."

And with Sonny's parting words, Elisa hopped herself back down the length of the hallway, calling over her shoulder as she went, "See, daddy! I really am a real-life wild bunny!"

"Yeah, and a drama queen, too," Sonny scoffed, turning on his heel to, presumably, insure that Elisa was holding up her end of the bargain. "And I wonder who she could've possibly gotten that little trait from, _Rafi_ – Oh! And there's my beautiful baby boy!"

 _No_.

Rafael couldn't possibly have heard that correctly.

Baby boy?

Baby boy.

Not baby girl, but baby boy.

Baby boy.

But they didn't have a baby boy, they had a baby girl, a _beautiful baby girl_ , but Sonny had just said "beautiful baby boy", and he was leaning over, scooping someone up, cooing and smiling in the same way that he normally did with Elisa every passing minute of every day, in the way that he normally did with their _daughter_ , and it _had_ to be Elisa, and it was –

 _A beautiful baby boy_.

A beautiful baby boy, blond, and blue-eyed, irises wide, and _bright_ , their coloring a perfect match to Sonny's blue – the blue that Rafael had never found a name for.

Amongst his vast collection of one thousand dollar suits, ties, button downs, and sixty dollar socks, Rafael had never once found Sonny's blue among any item of clothing.

He'd never once found Sonny's blue on any swatch of paint, never once on any label of Elisa's crayons, never once molded into the distinct shape of a wedding band, as he'd originally planned on gifting Sonny with before they'd settled on their more traditional gold rings.

He'd never once found Sonny's blue.

Until now.

This beautiful little boy, with Sonny's sandy hair and Sonny's dimples, with Sonny's smile that could brighten up even the darkest facets of oneself, who was grinning cheekily between them from his perch on Sonny's hip, had Sonny's blue.

"Did you crawl out of your crib again, peanut?" Sonny asked, bouncing the little boy in his arms with a few quick lifts of his bony shoulders.

He couldn't have been older than a year, a year and a half at the very most, and his soft-spoken, "Yeah" was an answer filled with immeasurable innocence and the rough edges of a sleep that hadn't quite released its hold.

The fact that the boy could talk was of no immediate surprise to Rafael; he and Sonny's children had proven, time and again over, that they were the quickest of learners, a fact that had led to more than their family's fair share of both elementary school classroom and playground jealously alike –

 _And where the hell had "he and Sonny's children" come from?_

He and Sonny had one child – _singular_.

Rafael didn't even know this little boy's _name_.

But there Sonny was, with a little boy pressed to the sure-warmth that Rafael knew so well to emanate from Sonny's chest, and the image was as _fitting_ and _whole_ as it was _unfamiliar_ and _confusing_.

It was whole in the same way that it had been for Rafael to see Elisa in Sonny's arms for the first time; he was her father, and she was his daughter, and the image of that truth and the separate pieces which had come together to form its unquestionable basis had just _fit_.

And this was that again, a million times over.

Sonny was this little boy's father, and this sun-streaked haired, bright-eyed boy in the periwinkle and navy-striped onesie was he and Sonny's child.

"So, _daddy_ , don't you think it's time that we bought someone his big boy bed? This is _only_ the fourth time that he's climbed out of his crib this week."

Upright, stock-still, bare chest heaving, eyes searching out for the light that had once been settled behind his closed eyelids and landing upon an overwhelming darkness instead.

He was wearing nothing save for a pair of loose, cotton sleep pants, yet every fiber and cord underneath Rafael's skin felt as though it were straining against the fabric all the same.

Belatedly, he realized that he'd woken Sonny with his movements, the head that had once been lying on his chest now up and moving groggily from side to side.

"The hell, Rafi?" Sonny slurred, long fingers finding the fabric of his pants amongst the heavy tangle of sheets and comforter that was their bed. He tugged, an attempt at pulling Rafael back down to the comfort of their shared pillow. "You have a nightmare or something?"

He took a moment to allow himself to gather his bearings – the texture of soft blanket underneath him rather than the sturdy feel of marble countertop, Sonny's warm skin beneath his hands rather than the press of a ceramic mug, what was _actual_ reality versus what had only _felt_ intensely real.

He threw his head back against the pillow, Sonny immediately re-assuming his position within Rafael's limbs: head on Rafael's chest, skinny arm thrown across the curve of his belly, legs twined and interlaced, toes brushing against each other's calves in uneven intervals.

"Not a nightmare," he finally admitted, head tilting until his words were ghosting quietly throughout the loose strands of Sonny's curls. "A really good dream, actually. A dream that I wish…that I wish could be reality."

"Why can't it be if it was so good?" Sonny murmured; his lips were halved over Rafael's skin, mouth open so that Rafael felt every breath that he gave deep within his own ribs.

He let himself feel Sonny's exhale throughout his body once more.

"Because we had another baby."

Rafael could tell that Sonny was smiling just from the set of his cheeks as they widened against him.

Sleepily, albeit, as the grin didn't quite expand far enough to reach Sonny's dimples, he knew.

" _Really?_ "

But he sounded awed all the same.

Like maybe, he liked the idea of that, too.

"Mhmm," Rafael hummed, pressing his lips firmly to Sonny's forehead as he spoke. "It was a little boy. He looked just like you, Sonny. He was so beautiful. And you were holding him, and he was smiling at us, and his smile was _just like yours_ , and – ".

He paused, shifted closer, somehow; Rafael wanted to be close to his husband, his _love_ , the man that he'd raised their first child with when he said this.

"And I think we should have another."

Silence.

Only steady, even breathing filled their bedroom.

Darkness, and steady breathing.

Rafael found Sonny's hand on his chest and enclosed it in his.

Sonny breathed.

Maybe, he'd try again in the morning.

* * *

"Umm, daddy. Can you help me?"

Turning away from the egg-soaked bread sizzling on the pan in front of him, Sonny was met with the sight of an adorably-frustrated and half-dressed Elisa: gray sweater dress pulled on neatly, off-white and scuffed Keds untied and loose on her feet.

"Well, first of all, bunny, they're on the wrong feet."

He tried to hide his snicker as he watched Elisa look down, realization washing over her features in waves before a patented Barba glare was aimed at the offending sneakers.

She collapsed on the kitchen tile, throwing the right one off with a huff: "Stupid shoes."

"Hey," Sonny warned, flipping the bread as he turned down the heat on the stove, letting Elisa's promised French toast cook as he made his way towards his daughter, still hunched over in frustration on the floor. "What've me and daddy told you about that word?"

"It's not nice," she grumbled, offering a foot to Sonny in defeat. He crouched down, meeting her halfway and beginning the formation of a two-eared bunny knot. "Can I say bad shoes, then?"

Chuckling, Sonny started on the other shoe's laces: "Yes, that's much nicer, bunny. I want you to quit getting so mad at yourself, though. I promise that you're gonna learn how to tie your shoes soon. Me and daddy will keep practicing with you every single night until you do."

Finishing with the left shoe's knot, he placed Elisa's foot gently back on the tile, leaning forward to kiss the tip of her nose.

"Now go brush your teeth and put your hearing aids in, okay? And then we'll have some of that French toast you wanted."

The idea of a sweet and syrupy - _and sticky_ \- breakfast seemed to brighten Elisa up considerably, and she hopped up just at the same moment that Rafael appeared in the kitchen, suited up in a navy blue three-piece.

"Oh, hi, daddy! Did you know that we're having French toast for breakfast today?!"

"I did," Rafael replied, sneaking a grin in Sonny's direction; his husband was gathering Elisa up in his strong arms, kissing softly at her smiling cheek, and Sonny had to force himself to remember to turn the stove off before he burnt the last slices of Elisa's French toast.

"Daddy told me yesterday," Rafael continued, his voice barely above a murmur. "And it's because someone is the smartest little girl in her whole class and finished her reading log first."

Elisa ducked her chin, letting her forehead fall shyly onto Rafael's shoulder: "I'm not the smartest, daddy."

And then, mumbled into the fabric of his suit, "I still don't know how to tie my shoes."

Scoffing, Sonny began stacking the final two pieces of bread on a ceramic plate, already piled high with previously cooked slices made in honor of his daughter's academic feat.

"That's only because you're smart like your daddy and clumsy like me," he said, walking the food to the kitchen table. Turning back to Rafael and Elisa, the latter still perched high in her daddy's arms, he brought a hand to Elisa's loose curls and tucked a stray strand behind an ear.

"You can read and spell all day, but when it comes to the type of stuff where you gotta use your hands, you and I get all mixed up."

"Objection, daddy! You're smart, too!" Elisa answered, little chest puffing up indignantly as she whipped her head and turned to find Rafael's amused gaze. "Tell daddy not to say that you and me are the only smart ones, papi!"

"It's true, love," Rafael started, his focus solely on Sonny and pulling him closer by the back of his narrow waist. "You're incredibly intelligent, my soon-to-be _sergeant_."

"Yeah, daddy, see! You're gonna be like uncle Mike soon! You just have to pass your test!" Elisa proclaimed, and she leaned across the broad set of Rafael's chest, took Sonny's face in each of her tiny hands, and placed her own kiss to the very tip of his nose.

Sonny felt warmth ripple throughout his chest like waves coming into a shore, _and God_ , he'd never allowed himself to even _imagine_ that he'd ever feel a love like the one that he felt for the man and little girl in front of him.

He wished he could go back and tell the him that had thought that he would never get _this_ what he knew now.

The him that had thought, if he happened to find his love within a man, that he'd never get to have _this_.

He'd tell the him then, _"You're gonna have a good man. He's gonna ask you to marry him, because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He's gonna tell you that he wants to raise a child with you, too. They're both gonna be your whole world._

 _"And you're gonna get everything that you ever wanted."_

Sonny could never ask Rafael for anything more.

He didn't need to.

He already had it all.

Squirming, – because she'd _clearly_ been still for far too long – Elisa declared, "Okay, I need to brush my teeth so we can eat breakfast! Can you put me down now, daddy?"

With Elisa's impatient limbs more impeding than aiding in the process, Rafael deposited her back onto the floor, her dress miraculously coming out of the affair with minimal wrinkles.

Just as it seemed that she was heading down the hallway once more, she stopped short and turned back to face them both: "And don't start eating without me, okay, you two?"

Sonny didn't think that a pointed and aimed index finger had ever looked more adorable.

No more response to be had than a few quick, nods of the head, and Elisa was finally on her way to the bathroom, and one step closer to her prized French toast.

Sonny sighed, his eyes locked firmly on Elisa's retreating form as he spoke, "She's a drama queen, Rafi. And you know who she got that from? Oh, that's right. Yo – ".

"Yes, yes, me, she got it from me," Rafael grumbled, and before he could continue to tease, Rafael's large palm was on Sonny's forearm, pulling him closer until their hips and chests had collided.

One hand planted firmly on Sonny's waist, the other on the back of his neck, and Rafael was kissing Sonny like it was his way of coming up for air.

He took the moment to revel in anything and everything that was _him_ : the strong hands, the warm lips, the way that he held Sonny close, like his body was precious and would give way if _he didn't dig his fingers in_ _tight enough_.

He held Elisa like this, too, and every time that Sonny was witness to the image, he found home.

He'd found it now, too.

Rafael's arms had always been that for Sonny.

"So," he paused, his lips finding their rest on the stubble peppering Sonny's jaw. "Do you remember what I told you last night? After I woke up?"

Sonny leaned forward for one more kiss, a lingering press of lips that he laughed his answer into.

"Gonna be real honest here, Rafi, I was pretty out of it when you woke up from that nightmare that you claimed wasn't a nightmare, even though I thought there for a second I was gonna have to get the bat out from under the bed."

He paused, running over the moment from the night before; "But, no, I don't remember. Why?"

Rafael smiled, and it was that grin, that _hint_ of a smile that always managed to make Sonny's chest tight, the one where his laugh lines and the crinkles around his green eyes showed.

Sonny remembers when those lines hadn't been so defined.

He liked to think that he'd helped with that.

And Elisa a little, too.

Wordlessly, Rafael led him to the kitchen table, letting Sonny take a seat before pulling his own close enough so that their knees and thighs bumped.

"I have something I want to tell you," he started, both of his larger palms coming up to envelope Sonny's in their strength and warmth. "Something I want you to think about."

He brought Sonny's hand to his lips then, a soft kiss pressed to the rigidness of cool metal.

"You know you can tell me anything, Rafi."

Sonny wanted to soothe him, wanted to quell whatever nervousness that he knew Rafael was trying - and failing, _miserably_ \- to hide.

There was the tapping, the endless up-and-down motion of his foot that was typically hidden by a heavy oak desk or muffled by the sheets on their bed.

Or the way that he was playing with Sonny's ring, twisting it, spinning it around and around, faster and faster, until Sonny started feeling friction from the movements hot against his skin.

"Whatever you're scared to tell me, Rafi, you don't have to be. You know that. So just say it, okay?"

Rafael huffed out a breath, his fingers tightening around Sonny's own as he did so. He smiled, and his lips were pulled a little tight and his foot hadn't ended its tapping, but Sonny's words seemed to have struck their chord all the same.

"It has to do with the _dream_ that I had last night. And why I was so distracted at dinner. And story time. And the entirety of the evening," he admitted.

He nodded, giving Rafael the reassurance that Sonny knew he needed in order to continue; Rafael was so perceptive, so _in tune_ with him as a partner, and he always searched out Sonny's face for any tells of discomfort when it came to conversations like this.

Sonny wasn't quite sure what _this_ was, but still.

He felt Rafael's love for him at its peak in those moments.

"The dream that I had last night, it was brought on by something that I'd been thinking about all day. Because of something that I overheard our daughter saying, actually. Telling Carmen about how much she wants a little brother or sister."

Sonny could not breathe.

 _Would not_ breathe.

 _Was he_ -

"And I'd never even _considered_ the idea before. Not once since we've adopted Elisa have I thought about having another child. Because _she's perfect_ , Sonny, and you know that as well as I do. But for some reason, when I heard our daughter talking about it, it just...it made me reconsider _everything_."

 _Was he_ -

"That's why I was so quiet last night. I didn't want to risk telling you on the off chance that I woke up this morning and panicked, and chalked the whole idea up to sleep deprivation and the stress of this case.

"Because I knew that would hurt you. And that's the last thing that I ever want to do."

 _Was he_ -

"But then I had this _dream_ , Sonny. At first, you were just playing with Elisa in it. You were chasing her, as the tickle monster, because she wasn't getting dressed. But you found her, of course, because she hid behind my legs like she always does, and you were tickling her, and she was being dramatic about it, like she always is, and I _swear_ that my eyes never left you two.

But then I saw it. This little, tiny, flash of blond hair."

 _Was he_ -

"Even in a dream, I was certain that I'd imagined it. Because it was only us three. Sonny, Rafael, and Elisa. But then it wasn't three. It was four."

 _He was choking up, and was he_ -

"You picked up this beautiful, baby boy, love. This _beautiful_ boy who looked just like you. He had your blue eyes and your smile.

"You were holding him in your arms, safe to your chest, and - and it was like I was watching you hold our baby girl for the first time all over again."

 _He was smiling at Sonny, and now Sonny's eyes were watering because he was sure that this couldn't be real, and was he_ -

"We were that little boy's parents. You were his father, and so was I, and he was Elisa's little brother, and it felt wrong that he wasn't there when I woke up."

 _He was_.

He'd all but said the words.

Sonny's heart was pounding, and he was dangerously close to losing it, _but this was real, he wasn't imagining it - he was saying it._

"Are you saying that you wanna have another baby, Rafi?"

Rafael's eyes were telling the whole story.

The one that Sonny didn't need the answer to.

Happy, and watery, and full of a love that knew no ends.

"I'm saying that I wanna have another baby, Sonny. With the man that I love."

Sonny finally broke.

 _You're gonna get everything you ever wanted._

 _You're gonna get everything you ever wanted and so much more._

This man _, this incredible man,_ wanted to have another child with him.

The man that he loved wanted them to have another baby.

He wanted their little family to grow.

To expand.

To be four instead of three.

Not because three was less, but because four was just _a little bit more_.

A little bit more love.

A little bit more happiness.

A little bit more joy.

A little bit more life added to the home that they'd built together.

Not less.

Not because he and Elisa weren't enough.

But because four was just a little bit more.

He hadn't thought he could move, but somehow, his hand made its way to the back of Rafael's neck.

He didn't have to tug very hard before they were breathing each other in.

 _Breathing, in love, smiling, happy_ , and Sonny had been happy for almost ten years now because of Rafael, and it wouldn't stop being that way any time soon.

"You remember what you said to me, Rafi, after we first found out that we were gonna be able to adopt Elisa? How you said your heart kept having to make room for things? How it had to make room for me and her?"

Rafael nodded, eyes shining, his palms flat on Sonny's cheeks.

Just like the first time.

Thumbs gentle.

Catching tears and wiping them away.

"It's my turn now, Rafi."

Rafael was looking at him like he wasn't quite sure that he was real.

The feeling was mutual.

He brought his lips to Sonny's forehead and breathed a sigh that Sonny recognized as relief.

"We'll tell Elisa this weekend, then. We'll figure out a way to make it special."

He paused, lips light in their presses against Sonny's skin.

"And we'll probably need to talk about moving, too, love. For starters, we'll need another bedroom. And this apartment isn't nearly big enough for two kids."

 _Two kids_.

Sonny burrowed himself a little bit farther into Rafael's chest at the thought.

Two kids to jump into their bed at seven-thirty in the morning on their weekends off, two kids to call them both "daddy", two kids to buy Christmas and birthday presents for, two kids to hold, two kids to kiss, two kids to _love_.

"Whatever we need to do to make this happen, Rafi. We'll do it together, just like we always have."

* * *

The key was only halfway in the lock, not angled in the slightest, and already Rafael could hear Elisa's excited gasps from the interior of the apartment.

Somewhere in between, "I think my daddies are home, abuelita!", Sonny's chuckles, and the feeling of a warm palm spread across his back, he finally managed to get the door cracked with minimal key-jiggling - and _God_ , Rafael was happy that a move out of this apartment was on the horizon.

Just a few loose ends to tie up, and their family would find itself in the confines of a cozy, little brownstone, in a _real_ neighborhood, – or as much of a neighborhood as Manhattan had to offer – that didn't rest within the lines of a cityscape.

"Daddy! Papi!"

Elisa was posted at the coffee table, legs crisscrossed and eyes wide, her crayons discarded across the wood as she jumped at the far more necessary task of tackling he and Sonny in a hug.

"There's my little bunny!" Rafael greeted, strong arms reaching down and scooping Elisa up into the safety of his chest. "Did you have fun with abuelita today?"

He smirked, meeting Lucia's quirked eyebrow in a classic Barba standoff; she rose from the couch, approaching he and Elisa at a slow stride as she did so.

"As if she could have anything _but_ fun with me. Isn't that right, cariño?"

"Of course, we had fun, abuelita!" Elisa answered, her grin bright and happy as she motioned towards the TV. "See, daddy, we even started watching _The Sound of Music_ while I colored _."_

Rafael glanced at the TV, an image of the seven Von Trapp children and a young Julie Andrews lighting up the screen; "Ah, my favorite. Have you gotten to the part where Maria sings 'My Favorite Things'?"

Eyebrows furrowed, Elisa chose to forge ahead and ignore the inquiry, "I thought you said your favorite was _Singin' in the Rain_?"

He shrugged teasingly, then conceded to Elisa's argument with a quick press of lips to her cheek.

"As usual, you are right, bunny. But, this one is a close second."

Giggling, Elisa placed her hands on his cheeks, green looking into green, and every time that she did that, Rafael swore that she held the whole of his heart in between the span of her two little palms.

"I'm always right, daddy," she said, inching forward until her nose could brush against his own. She pushed an index finger into his chest, poking against the fabric of his polo, "And you're silly for trying to trick me like that."

"What do I tell you, Rafi, she's gonna be smarter than you," Lucia chuckled, her purse and coat already gathered in the midst of he and Elisa's exchange.

She moved on to Sonny then, the affection which she harbored for her son-in-law given away by a kiss on the cheek. She pulled back, glancing between he and Sonny pointedly.

"Smarter than the both of you _combined_ , in fact."

With a laugh, Sonny squeezed her shoulder, his smile soft and good-natured as he agreed, "I won't even _try_ to deny that one. And thanks for watching her today, Lucia, me and Rafi really appreciate it."

"Please," she waved him off, turning her attention to Elisa once more. "As if it is ever any trouble to spend time with my granddaughter."

Lucia kissed Elisa's forehead, her final goodbye whispered into skin as she said, "I love you, mi pequeña. Be good for your papi and your daddy the rest of the night, okay?"

Nodding so that her ponytail tickled Rafael's cheek, Elisa proclaimed, "I promise, abuelita! Te amo!"

Rafael was quick to place his own kiss on his mother's cheek, the presence of Elisa still in his arms preventing him from offering her anything more.

"Thank you, again, mami," he said, his own gratitude needing to be expressed before she walked out the door, before she made the trek back to her own apartment in the Bronx. "I'll call you in the morning, okay?"

Because she knew, _of course_ Lucia knew.

Rafael felt as if he were physically incapable of withholding information from his mother at times.

That morning had been one such instance, after his mother had arrived at ten o'clock sharp, her eyes narrowed and set as she'd approached the kitchen counter and asked, "So what exactly _are_ you and Sonny doing today? You never call me at such short notice for a date."

She'd come prepared, and Rafael had known immediately that he was going to lose.

Still, he'd tried to redirect anyways.

"We're just running a few errands, mami, that's it. Nothing to be worried about."

He'd even thrown in a _smile_.

And still, she'd seen right through his facade.

"And Elisa can't come with you while you run these errands because...?"

Rafael had sighed, set his coffee down, pinched the bridge of his nose while his mother had cackled across from him, and he'd all but made her swear on top of a stack of Bibles that under _no circumstance_ were she to tell Elisa before he'd finally given in to her gaze.

Reluctantly, albeit, – _more_ than reluctantly – he'd said, "Mami...Sonny and I have decided to adopt again."

There'd been a pause, a small bout of silence before she'd clapped her bony hands over her mouth, and gasped, and it had been the exact reaction that Rafael _had not_ wanted, because Elisa could've walked into the kitchen at any moment, but then, Lucia had said, "Oh, Rafi...I'm going to be a grandmother again?"

She'd sounded stunned, and had an expression on her face that was somehow something even more than awe, and he'd thought that, maybe, that reaction from his mother had been a little bit worth the risk.

Lucia had never thought she'd have this, and he couldn't blame her.

He knew the feeling all too well.

So, he'd kept it simple: he'd smiled at his mother, more sweetly than he'd realized he'd known how, and replied, "Yes, mami. There's going to be another little Barba-Carisi running around to call you abuelita."

Too overwhelmed to do anything more, she'd stayed silent, dabbing offhandedly at the rims of her eyes with a handkerchief and nodding along as Rafael had revealed to her he and Sonny's true intentions for the day.

They'd been planning on hitting every shop within a ten-mile radius of their apartment, their specific names and locations taken down in a note on Sonny's phone after a quick Google search for "infant" and "retail" "in Manhattan" had provided them with a number of hits.

The goal was simple: procure a gift for Elisa which would inform her of her impending ascent into big sisterhood.

It hadn't been simple – they'd ventured into at least fifteen different stores, Rafael was sure of it – but they'd finally agreed on an item after sending photos of their top two choices out to the Manhattan SVU group chat.

 _(Rollins: Ooohhh, the first one! Elisa would love that!)_

 _(Liv: Gotta go with Carisi's pick on this one. Sorry Raf.)_

 _(Fin: I dunno, Barba's pick is kinda nice too. I could see the lil peanut wearing that.)_

 _(Dodds: Isn't Elisa's favorite color purple? The first one's purple.)_

 _(Barba: I can't believe you all just let my husband pick out an item of our daughter's clothing.)_

Sonny hadn't stopped gloating the entire drive home.

He also hadn't stopped singing, "We're having another baby, Rafi! Another beautiful baby!" or kissing at Rafael's knuckles at each red light that they'd hit, but.

That was entirely beside the point.

The point was how incredibly _happy_ he knew that the little girl in his arms was going to be when she heard the news.

And with his mother having finally taken her leave, Sonny was already forging ahead, the pale purple-wrapped package that he'd left hidden by the door now held between two large hands.

"Hey, baby," he said, moving forward and presenting the present to Elisa's thoughtful gaze. "Me and daddy got something for you while we were out."

Sonny tentatively handed the box off into her little fingers, her green eyes scrutinizing and searching the paper as if the answer to the unexpected gift lay somewhere between its taped folds and creases.

"But it's not Christmas," she eventually piped up, an incredulous look shot at Sonny before being redirected towards Rafael. "Or my birthday, or Valentine's Day, or Easter – ".

"We know that, bunny," Rafael answered, his light chuckles reflected in the gleaming blue of Sonny's eyes.

Removing Elisa from his hip then, he plopped her down so that her onesie-covered bottom was safely nestled between he and Sonny on the couch. He nudged the package with an index finger, urging her on to peel back the paper and dive into the gift which it held underneath.

"It's a 'just because' gift, bunny. Now, come on, open it."

Still appearing a little more than unconvinced, Elisa began tearing back the paper, he and Sonny exchanging looks of unabashed excitement from across the back of the couch as the wrapping slowly fell to the carpet, inch by inch.

Luckily, she didn't seem to notice; she'd reached the cardboard box which laid underneath the surface of the paper, and was already gently lifting its lid to reveal the surprise which laid hidden beneath a swath of ivory tissue paper.

"Can you read what it says, baby?" Sonny inquired gently, his voice as soft as Rafael knew the fabric to be of the pastel purple t-shirt which Elisa was currently running the tips of her fingers along.

"Well, I know that the first word is 'big'," she replied confidently, a nod of the head accompanying her answer. "B-I-G. Big!"

"But," and then she paused, letting an index finger fall underneath the first 's' at the beginning of the following word. "I think I need to sound this one out."

Her eyes followed the curves and the sharp lines of each letter, a "sss" and an, "ih", another "sss" and a "ti" escaping from between her parted lips until she'd reached the end of the word, a jumble of sounds left in her wake to sort through.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Rafael watched as the pieces began to come together; she looked confused, then uncertain, bewilderment taking over last as her ponytail made its way from right to left in an attempt to find he and Sonny's faces.

"Big...," and Elisa's voice was barely that of a whisper, barely intelligible when compared to her usual excited ramblings, and her eyes were so very wide as she wrapped each of her hands around he and Sonny's thumbs laying on the upholstery of the couch beside her.

"Big…. _big sister_? Am I...am I gonna be a big sister, daddies?"

Sonny nodded, his curls loosening and tumbling in front of his eyes with the urgency of the movement.

The love in his voice was of the truest kind as he said, "Me and daddy are gonna adopt again. You're gonna be a big sister, baby."

Rafael had seen Elisa cry more times than he liked to keep track of; it was inevitable, as the daughter of Sonny Carisi, that she move like anything less than a baby giraffe discovering it's legs for the very first time.

There was the broken arm that Rafael himself still hadn't recovered from, the head bump against the corner of the coffee table that had been the result of an impromptu dance session with daddy, – _not_ papi – the countless scraped-up knees and cut-up elbows after Sunday hopscotch sessions at grandma and papa's on Staten Island.

But this was so much different – and _so much more_ – than any of those times combined.

She was somehow beautiful and sweet, even with tear tracks staining the pink of her cheeks, her happy grin in stark contrast with the marks making their way down her quivering chin.

"Can we have a family hug?" she asked.

It was simple.

It was _beautiful_.

It was perfect.

He and Sonny were holding their baby girl in their arms, her body nestled safely between them, and soon three would become four, and everything was _perfect_.

She was _happy_ , and _smiling_ , and _beautiful_ , and everything was _perfect_.

Elisa then sniffled, rubbing her cheek against the shirtsleeve of Sonny's button down in order to wipe away her tears.

"So," she pulled back, face suddenly set and serious as her palms rested warmly over the tops of each of their hands.

"Am I getting a baby brother, or a baby sister?"

* * *

They laid there, holding each other, bodies aligned and limbs tangled like the two halves of a matching set.

He could feel Rafael beginning to shift against him, most likely an attempt at inching towards his bedside table and retrieving something to clean them up with.

"No, no, don't move. Not yet."

Sonny pressed his palms more firmly to the skin of Rafael's back, one hand wedged in the space between his shoulder blades and the other resting low on his spine, holding every inch of him close to Sonny's own body.

They were sticky, their skin slick with a layer of sweat, and enough heat pooling between their bellies to house a furnace.

Rafael was still inside of him.

He took Sonny's whisper as a cue to reconnect their mouths, to let their lips and tongues fall open to one another, _only_ one another, again and again.

Even though they'd both already finished, Sonny couldn't help the way that his thighs tightened against the curve of Rafael's hips, the way that he locked his legs around the lower portion of his husband's body, the way that he pulled him in still deeper.

Sonny just needed to feel him.

Needed to feel Rafael filling up his body, needed to fill that, _yes_ , this man was his, that, _yes_ , it was him who was inside of Sonny, that, _yes_ , it was him who was pressed up against him, holding him, sucking kisses from his lips with every breath that he took, like Sonny was his air.

Rafael was his, so Sonny figured that the sentiment couldn't be too far off.

"Are you trying to suggest that we go for round two?" Rafael questioned, his smile and a breath of laughter pressed into Sonny's lips. "Because I'm an old man, love. I'm not the spry forty-year-old you had that hero-worship crush on. You'll kill me before either one of us is finished."

Sonny squeezed him tighter, lifted his chin to kiss firmly at Rafael's forehead, eyes glancing over the beads of sweat still gathered along the sharp edge of his hairline.

"You may not be that spry forty-year-old, Rafi, but you're the man that I love and the father of our child. And both of those things mean so much more to me than that."

Moving until he had found Rafael's eyes, his hand trailed a path along the length of his back, only coming to an end once Sonny was running long fingers through his still-damp hair.

"Can you believe that there's gonna be another little one running around here soon enough?" he murmured, his question more a statement of his own true disbelief than any form of actual wondering.

Blue met green then, and Sonny jerked his head until their noses bumped, rubbing them together gently: "Another little _Barba-Caris_ _i_. Another baby to love, and to hold, and to teach Eskimo kisses to."

Rafael hummed, and it was the _happiest_ sound that Sonny had ever heard, it's only match found in Elisa's bright and silly giggles.

"Another baby to read bedtime stories to. Another baby whose knees we'll have to give kisses to when they scrape them up playing hopscotch at grandma and papa's house," Rafael laughed, continuing their back-and-forth of kisses with his own to Sonny's flushed cheek. "Another baby to – ".

"Daddy! Papi! Open up, it's me, Elisa!"

Elisa was, quite literally, _pounding_ against their bedroom door, in the same way that Sonny normally did when he was five seconds away from kicking one down on searches with Rollins and Dodds.

"Another baby to do _that_ ," Rafael finished, and the laughter that burst forth from Sonny was loud and affectionate as his husband's forehead collapsed forward onto his chest.

They finally broke apart, Sonny's body empty but his heart full as Rafael threw a solitary wet wipe at his face; he quickly wiped his stomach down, discarded the rag into the wastebasket that they kept by their dresser, and pulled on his forgotten pair of sweats and a favorite, loose-fitting Harvard t-shirt.

Rafael still smiled, almost ten years later, every time he saw Sonny in that ill-fitting, ratty old thing.

Just like he was smiling now, from the comfort of their bed, sprawled out in his navy sleep pants and a cotton shirt, looking for all the world like Sonny was the only thing that he could see.

Sonny thanked God, every chance that he got, for that day that he stumbled into the precinct and met the man who would change his life.

The man who had taught him what it felt like to truly be brave, to face yourself and not be scared when you discovered what was looking back at you.

The man who had made him feel so incredibly loved from the very first day, from the very first time that he'd taken Sonny's face in his hands, and whispered, "No one's ever made me feel this way before, Sonny. I don't think I've ever loved anyone before you."

Every time that they touched, every time that they talked, every time that they kissed, Sonny felt loved, and even when Rafael hadn't talked to him for almost an entire day a year into their marriage because Sonny had misplaced his engagement ring, the antique that had been his abuelita's, Sonny had still felt loved, and he'd never believed that love could be truly unconditional until this.

And he still felt like their life together was only just beginning.

"Papi! Daddy! I really need you to please let me in _right now_! I need to tell you something!"

Once Sonny had finally unlocked the door, there Elisa stood: hair sleep-tousled and a polka-dotted sock missing from her left foot, because somehow, some way, he and Rafael's daughter always managed to lose one in her sleep almost nightly.

Bright-eyed, she proceeded to push past Sonny, climbing on top of their bed so that she was nestled comfortably between a tangle of sheets.

She turned, making sure to consider them both before proclaiming, "I know what we should name the new baby!"

Sonny made his way back towards them, Elisa having already wiggled herself so that her head was laying comfortably against Rafael's chest, her tiny feet depositing themselves into his lap once he'd climbed back into bed.

"Oh, yeah? And what are we naming him? Elsa? Olaf?" Sonny teased, his fingers brushing lightly along the arch of her bare foot.

"Nope!" Elisa paused, her eyes comically wide as she attempted to build the anticipation for her forthcoming announcement; only her inability to stay completely still, given away by the rapid taps of her toes against Sonny's thigh, truly portrayed how antsy she was underneath the surface.

After five more successive taps to Sonny's leg, she sat up, better to gauge their reactions, he guessed, as she immediately began searching out each of their faces before declaring, "We should name the new baby Oliver!"

As soon as Elisa said it, Sonny found himself already growing attached to the name; it was elegant but unique, like Elisa's, and it fit considering that Sonny had already made it clear to Rafael from day one that he would not, under any circumstances, name their son Dominick.

His kid would not be dealt the unfortunate hand of having to be referred to as "Sonny Jr." for the rest of his life.

Rafael seemed to consider it, his hand coming up to sweep through the loose, tangled waves of Elisa's hair: "Where did you come up with that name, bunny?"

"Well, I kinda got out of bed after you and daddy tucked me in. So I could look through my books to see if I could find a name for the new baby. And since I have a special name, 'cause I'm named after your abuelita, daddy, my new baby brother should have a special name, too. And if it's picked out by his big sister, that's pretty special, right?"

He and Rafael were staring at each other by the time that she was finished.

He knew that they were both thinking the same thing.

It wasn't her name that was special.

It was _her_.

It was her, and her mind, her _beautiful_ mind and her innocent heart, every part of her filled with love and always drawing the most unsuspecting in with open arms.

First, it had been he and Rafael.

Then, it had been others: her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, her cousins, her nanny, and even _Rita Calhoun_ , for God's sake.

And now, it was her impending baby brother.

Elisa loved with a love that knew no bounds, that knew no limitations of who it could reach.

Whether it was Miss Mayweather down the hall, who brought over freshly baked chocolate chip cookies for Elisa, specifically, yet couldn't remember he or Rafael's name; or their building's doorman, Jimmy, who Elisa gifted with a hug every morning on their walks out to school.

Whereas he and Rafael had to make room, Elisa always had an empty space.

"I think that that's the perfect name for your brother, bunny. And you picking it out makes it the most special that it could possibly be," Rafael whispered, pulling her forward until his lips had met her forehead and she was smiling happily down at him from above.

As he ended their embrace, Elisa laid her head back down against her daddy's chest, her breaths coming soft and even as she took Sonny's hand and interlaced their fingers.

"What do you think, daddy? Do you like the new baby's name?"

Sonny couldn't help himself; he brought her fingers to his mouth and blew a raspberry to Elisa's tan knuckles, her lighthearted giggles and Rafael's adoring smile worth the effort.

"'Course I like it, bunny. I _love_ it. Elisa and Oliver Barba-Carisi. The best babies that any two daddies could ever ask for."

With a yawn, Elisa nodded, maneuvering herself yet again so that she was equally snuggled between them; Sonny took the cue and flicked off the desk-side lamp to his right, carefully laying back so as to not disturb her position amongst the sea of blankets.

Carefully, he turned his head to take in the sight of the man and the little girl beside him before finally closing his eyes.

Elisa, her eyelids fluttering with each breath, her mouth somehow parted in a sweet smile even in sleep.

Rafael, staring at her sleeping form, just as he was doing.

Her eyes flew open one last time – albeit, heavy-lidded – but the sheer joy in her voice could never be masked by the thick haze of sleep.

"We're gonna be the best family ever. Daddy, daddy, Elisa, and Oliver."


End file.
